There is still some time left for the Commonwealth Games to start...

O dear, dear — are we being too cruel, judging Suresh Kalmadi and Sheila Dixit so harshly? After all, the Commonwealth Games are a whole month away.

So much time left to build roads, repair stadia, build swimming pools and complete all those other jobs that have been known about since 2003 but still haven’t got done. This is the way life is, after all.

I mean, so what if instead of Rs300 crore, we spent about Rs30,000 crore? And still didn’t finish in time. Time is a false western concept imposed on us by our colonial rulers.

Besides, do you know how difficult it is to get things done in India? You have to ask for tender applications, then you have to go through them carefully to see which one will make you the most money, then you have ensure that they use third-grade cement but promise concrete, then you have to share out the proceeds, then you have to work v-e-r-y slowly so that you can increase the budget (accounting for the war in Iraq, global recession, bad rabi crop, poor monsoon, poor kharif crop, the El Nina effect, hurricane Celia, tiger poaching, change of government in Burkina Faso, Rahul Mahajan’s swayamvar, Aamir Khan’s new movie and so on) indefinitely.

And this process only began after 2003. Compare that to, say, the Bandra-Worli sealink — which took 10 years just to build, not counting all the work that went in for years before a single cement mixer arrived on the scene. This is the national capital which has its own chief minister and government and everything! No wonder work has happened so fast.

Then there are all these little minor quibbles and complaints. So a few roofs fell down, there are some leaks here and there, some flyovers are not made and there are no proper places for the athletes to stay. See, serious decisions have been made.

There will be no beef served. People have been told to smile. These are all important things which will definitely improve the image of our great country in the minds of all these foreigners who are coming.

Some people of course have no shame at all and have even accused the Great Organisers of corruption. This is too shocking for words. As if anyone would do such a thing when our country’s prestige is at stake?

Yes, yes, may be there are a few wicked official here and there (see third-grade cement reference in para 2) but these are a few bad apples. An inquiry will be held and 300 years later, the guilty will be punished in case any wrongdoing is found: one full month’s salary (not counting dearness allowance) for the government staff and one whole week of being blacklisted from all further government work for the contractors.

This is all according to the rules laid down in the appendix to Chanakya’s Artha Shastra and we have not changed them since those Mauryan times. History, culture and tradition are very important to us.

Even worse, there are these people who are against the nation and want the Games to flop. And the high commissions who don’t like the cabbies we hired. And the ministers who are always worried about budgets, as if they are accounting clerks.

And, sigh, next they’ll be talking about the medals we didn’t win. But not to worry. The inquiry commission for that has already been set up and the report will be ready in 3010. See, in some matters, we can think ahead and be quick about it.