Predicament of a cricket fan...

After all this excitement over no tickets for fans at stadiums to watch matches, I started watching World Cup matches very assiduously.

And I am happy to report that for Zimbabwe versus New Zealand and Pakistan versus Canada and Netherlands versus South Africa, there was almost no one there.

Hmmm, so does this mean that these cricket grounds (Ahmedabad, Colombo and Mohali) never sold any tickets at all, gave everything away to the ICC and sponsors who were clamouring for freebies or, gasp, the diehard Indian cricket fan who lives, breathes and dreams cricket just wasn’t interested in the sport if the Indian team wasn’t playing? I’m just asking the question…

There’s another one I want to ask: do you know how uncomfortable it is to watch a cricket match at a stadium in India?

I’ve been to a few, from CCI to Wankhede to Ahmedabad to Hyderabad to Eden Gardens (don’t ask why, used to be a cricket fan in my youth).

First, and without being vulgar, I’ll use the expression that they use in the gym, your “glutes” ache from sitting on concrete for hours.

Then, you cannot find anything worthwhile to eat or drink. Water bottles are not allowed because the fans like to throw them at fielders who stray along the edges — okay, border, boundary, long on, whatever.

Plus, you have to stand in line three days before to get in and everything you own is a security threat, so all that you have with you can’t go in and we won’t even discuss the state of the toilets.

Much better I would say to watch it on TV, in the comfort of your home, eating and drinking what you like and preferably, lying down.

The other option is to use the quota and VIP system and either get on to the International Cricket Council or become a sponsor and this way you will get a fancy seat with more facilities.

(By the way, when you watch tennis matches you can eat and drink and take videos from your mobile phone to put up on Youtube later. Just saying.)

There is one serious problem with TV though. You have to listen to the commentary and as usual, some of it is so banal that you want to cry (“This team can either win or lose or it can be a draw”. Really? No kidding.)

Almost makes you want to long for the old days of Narottam Puri saying, “The sky is blue, the grass is green, the birds are flying”. At least that was poetic.

And even worse, you have to listen to that $%#@* ‘De ghuma ke’ song. Of course, it is true that the song is all over Indian television so you may never be able to escape it — which is why the mute button exists.

Still, you have to admit that Pakistan versus Canada was quite a lot of fun and England versus Ireland has been the icing on the cake so far. Were there any spectators there? Actually, the match was so exciting, I never noticed! Maybe I’m becoming a fan again — life as a spectator sport, yeah!