The problem with stereotypes

“I wish to live in a utopian world, a world where I’m free to will, live, dream and transform my dreams into realities.”

Back in 2012 when I was 16, I was intensely struggling with my sexuality. It was awful, to say the least! But it also marked the genesis of an incredible journey towards self-acceptance that I didn’t know at the time I was about to embark upon.

I grew up despising myself, for various reasons. I was mostly mirroring people’s views of me. For the people around me, I was nothing more than an effeminate, ugly looking boy who was trying too hard to fit in.

Much like most of us, I grew up in a heteronormative, gender binary world which provided me with two distinct options — either be a man or a woman. More than homosexuality, my peers had an issue with effeminacy. It took me years to realise that effeminacy isn’t a euphemism for indignity. It is as much about being strong, bold and beautiful. Moreover, we all tend to live in and out of closets of our own kind. We are all scared of what lies beyond the unknown, and not coming out of it when we’re required to can have serious consequences on our lives.

I came out at 16, at first to my sister, crying my heart out to her. I didn’t want to be gay. I was fed a limited notion of what it is to be gay — a flamboyant, flaming queen parading the streets. The problem with stereotypes isn’t that they’re wrong, it’s that they are incomplete.

I finally had access to that missing puzzle when I met more people and made time to speak to myself. I learned that I didn’t have to take away a life of genuine happiness from myself, that I was in charge, and I had the choice to break out of the closet, and live a more empowered life. I learned the power of being hopelessly optimistic, that ‘I can’ is more powerful than ‘can I?’, that I didn’t have to apologise for being in love with my man.

(Anwesh Kumar Sahoo, originally from Odisha, represented India at Mr Gay World in 2016, where he was the youngest contestant to compete at 20)

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