I am dying a new death every day: Baljit Singh

A freak injury nearly robbed Baljit Singh of his eyesight. While the hockey  goalkeeper will get over the physical pain, it is the mental trauma that is killing him every single day of his life. DNA finds out

How are you feeling now? How is the treatment going on?
The treatment is going step by step. So far, I have had two surgeries. There is some improvement, no doubt. When I was discharged from AIIMS (New Delhi), I had a zero vision in the right eye. However, it’s around 10-15% now.

What are the doctors saying?
I get daily updates from the doctors and authorities here. The rehabilitation programme is expected to take at least six months to complete. Even then, there is no guarantee about getting back 100% vision.

Who is footing the bills? Is everything fine on the monetary front?
The Sports Authority of India (SAI) is paying for the treatment and my expenses here. But, I am encountering some financial problems as my father and a friend have accompanied me. SAI is taking care of my father’s expenses but I am taking care of my friend.

Didn’t you ask SAI to sponsor your friend? I presume he’s there to help your father.
After I landed in Alabama, I had a doctor from India with me. My father came here a few days later. But the doctor left as soon as my father joined me. This is the first time he has stepped out of Chandigarh. He wasn’t able to communicate with the doctors here. That’s when we decided to have my friend here. We requested SAI to foot my friend’s expenses, but they refused. Ultimately, we had to get him here on our own as we had no choice. The expenses, which have gone beyond Rs 2 lakh now, are being borne by us.

Apart from the treatment expenses, what support have you got from the Indian authorities?
This is the worst part. I have not received a single assurance call from the sports ministry, the Punjab government or the Centre. Nobody has promised a single penny for my future. Forget about the money, I haven’t even got a single condolence call or assurance, saying that ‘we care for you’. It is getting very depressing for me as the treatment is very slow and there is no guarantee for my future. I don’t know if I’ll be able to play again or not.

You must be very disappointed.
Yes, of course. I have always played for the pride of my country. In hockey, a player survives only because he plays for national pride as there are no big bucks in the game. The only thing I expect now is the moral support from the authorities. I am not getting that. I am dying a new death every day.

Do you think you are a victim of discrimination?
When Sachin Tendulkar was suffering from tennis elbow, everyone rushed to wish him good health. And mind you, his injury was curable. But when I got injured, no one even bothered to ask about my health. I have nothing against Sachin, and I respect him a lot. My point is that like Sachin, even we play for India. So why this discrimination? Yes, they (SAI) are paying for my treatment, lekin agar chot unhone di hai, toh ilaaj bhi unko hi karwana padega (if they have given caused the injury, then they will have to pay for that). I feel so bad that I did so much for my country and when I am going through trauma; my country is not there to support me. Bahut bura lagta hai (I feel very bad).

Please go on…
They call hockey our national game, but they don’t care about the players. They should have come up and said that ‘tum ilaaj karwao, hum tumhare saath hain’ (You get the treatment done, we are with you).

What have you thought about your future?
For me, hockey was everything since childhood. I did not pay attention on my studies as I wanted to focus on my dream of playing for the country. But today, I am not sure whether I will be able to play for India again. I don’t know what my future will be as I am just a graduate and no one gives a job to a graduate these days. This is very sad as there is no guarantee for a sportsperson’s future in India. Here in the United States, even club players have a secure future. They are all insured and don’t have to worry. But in India, this is not the case.

If you get your vision back, will you play for the country again?
If I recover completely, I will be proud to play for the country again, but not for anyone else. Not for any state, not for any federation.