Marital bliss: More than just a formula

Understanding holds the key to relationships
First of all, I would like to say that we cannot generalise a formula for marriage. Look at the first stipulation that says that the bride should be five years younger than the groom. This may be correct for physical compatibility but not for long lasting relationships. There are numerous examples where couples are happy, even if the wife is older. Second formula which says that both partners must be from the same cultural background, even this doesn’t hold good. This condition only helps in adjusting to the new lifestyle.

Thirdly the bride should be more intelligent but it is not clear in what way this will benefit their union. We can see many examples where a girl who is bright in studies does not doing well in her relationship. Even if we don’t find such characteristics in married couples, if they care about each other and understand each other, their marriage will be successful.          
Rajan Bhonsle, director, Heart to Heart Counselling Centre

They need mutual trust to grow between them
I don’t think such studies are applicable in India. Even though the two conclusions which say that the bride should be younger to the groom and from the same cultural background are followed in an arranged marriage. But in spite of that there are many divorce cases. Nowadays, especially in metro cities, love marriages are rampant, where such parameters of age and background are looked over, but still both parties are happy. Now the third conclusion that the bride should be more intelligent than the groom. But here the question is how can you judge intelligence?

If IQ is the benchmark, we will be surprised to know that many girls or wives are illiterate, but their marriages are successful. So such conclusions about marriage are not correct. However for successful marriages, couples need good compatibility, mutual understanding in their relationships. Moreover they need to let mutual trust grow between them.
Nandini Sardesai, sociologist

Partners need to be on the same wavelength
Age difference and a similar cultural background are valid aspects. But it’s surprising that the study says that the girl has to be more intelligent of the two. Both partners need to be well educated, so that they are on the same wavelength and they can relate to each other. Further, if even one of them is not smart, it may lead to problems later. 
Zaid Bagasrawala, engaged

Two-three year age gap is ideal for a couple
A three year gap helps a husband and wife to be more like friends. Already in a marriage, one has to make so many adjustments, so if the cultural barrier is removed it can become easier. Men are more intelligent when it comes to dealing with the outside world. And women are more intelligent when it comes to understanding relatives and  children.
Sugandh Agarwal, married

Intelligence matters a lot in a relationship
If the wife is intellectually superior of the two, it can help the chances of a successful partnership. At the same time, if she openly flaunts her intelligence, it might hurt the male ego, which is evident in the Indian society. This friction can lead to a lot of challenges. Most marriages in earlier times in the Indian context didn’t lead to a divorce, because women weren’t empowered.
Rakesh Rajendran, single

Compatibility is paramount in a marriage
My husband is barely a year older than me. But we click as a couple despite differences in our personality and behaviour. Marriage is about an individual’s mental compatibility, understanding and space for discussion and acceptance. The same cultural background is an add-on bonus to the relationship, as it aids in better bonding with the immediate families.    
Sarah Tharakan, married

Some couples are together despite all odds
I'm as old as my hubby and we are happily married. We have examples of Tendulkar and Bachchan Jr who are married to women who are older than them. In a relationship, women are always intelligent. Although we can't generalise as the matter is subjective. The thumb rule is to allow a relationship to grow through enhancing compatibility.
Annu Mishra, married