Proudly leading a way to equality

Many gay and bisexual men despise their fellow gay and bisexual peers who look or act like women.  Even I was scared of being spotted with queer men who were effeminate or transmen. I had ‘othered’ them in my head. I was a transphobe and despised effeminate men as I thought that because of them, I would also be seen as ‘feminine’. 

Most men and women have always abhorred anything feminine. I grew up to understand that if being a woman in itself is looked down upon, one can’t imagine being a woman and the challenges it presents. 

Today, I am a man completely in touch with my feminine side. In fact, many a times, I am in love with my feminine side. This transition took a lot of years and acceptance of the fact that we all do not sail in the same boat. Some boats are in deeper waters in the middle of a storm. 

Women face double the amount of discrimination in the queer community. One, because of the fact that they are women; two, because they are queer. 

The queer community mirrors the heterosexual community in many ways. Here, women have to fight doubly hard to get their voices heard, despite facing double the discrimination. Queer women were also less visible due to social ostracisation. In fact, I used to think of being ‘lesbian’ as a planet far away. But, things are changing. Queer women are not only reclaiming their rightful place in the history, they are also claiming their right to organise their own spaces. And goodness gracious, they do not need any man to show them the way. I wish to highlight the contribution of my friends at Gaysi Family here. What started as a blog has turned into a meeting ground for lesbian, bisexual and transgender women. They regularly organise open mics (Dirty Talks) and 2x2 bar nights. Saturday was one of their fancy bar nights with the crowds filled to the brim. The best thing about these events is that these have a sizable non cis-gendered male population. Gaysi, however, ensures that women don’t get outnumbered by men. They also come out with books on a regular basis called the Gaysi-zine that are collectibles. 

I believe that the onus of inclusion lies on those who are included, not on those who are excluded, but in Gaysi family’s case, the excluded took the onus of being inclusive — even the privileged men folk. They took the high way with their placard and continue to organise events and create content that uplifts queerkind of all forms. Run by women for humans of all colours, races, genders and sexualities, Gaysi thrives while building safe spaces where all can have a jolly time together. Fact is that where the most vulnerable feel safe, all feel safe. 

On that note, I now know, lesbian is human and not a planet. Cheers to that happy realisation!

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