Pimping our private lives

Call me a pessimist, a cynic, but every time I see a couple broadcasting their undying love for each other on social media, I wonder how long before the skeletons tumble out. The signs are usually there — these are the people who will document every moment of their lives on Facebook. Where they will celebrate milestones such as ‘first date’ and ‘first love letter’ with great zeal. They will publish kissing GIFs and holiday pictures, where they are draped around each other, taking vows of friendship, love and unbreakable bonds. Pictures of a walk in the rain. A dip in the pool. A dinner date. And a showering of praises on each other — almost every single day. Sometimes, many times during the day. You see a happy couple? I see a desperate need for validation. And somewhere, an unhappy soul crying out for attention. For help.

The other day, I heard of a feisty woman, who would make you believe in her fairytale marriage to her college sweetheart. No post was without one going ga ga over the other, and even the most mundane chores were made to look perfect, glamorous, sexy.

The truth came out yesterday — she has been battling depression after her marriage hit rock bottom a couple of years ago. Everything about her life on social media, was actually make-believe.

The story is not entirely different from that of another friend, who has been posting cosy pictures of her married life — complete with home-cooked candlelight dinners, theatre dates with her husband. “Don’t believe everything you see on Facebook,” she wrote to me, revealing that the relationship was over and that she had been an emotional wreck for months.

Why this charade then? Instead of talking to each other in person, why are we communicating through a web of deceit on social media? Why are we peddling lies about ourselves, our intimate relationships to people who don’t give a rat’s a**e to what actually happens to us? What is this compulsion to pimp our private lives on public platforms? Why are we so obsessed with creating and perpetuating the myth of a happy relationship, when the reality is otherwise? 

Intimacy, privacy, space, reflection, respect — are some of the biggest casualties in our obsession with attention, validation on social media. The comfort and healing powers of a touch, replaced by the convenience of the swipe.
When a warring couple goes to bed tonight, should they look each other in the eye and talk out  their issues? Reach out to each other, with a touch, a caress, a gentle finger running through the tangles of unexpressed thoughts? Or maybe they will simply turn away from each other and keep typing on smart phones, telling the world, “Everything’s just glorious!”

(Scribbler, scribe, traveller Chandrima Pal takes you through the sexual landscape of today)

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