Why, you swine?

I wish I’d studied harder in school and become a doctor. After all, doctors are the only people in the world not affected by recession. Like, my family doctor has flown to the US for a month-long vacation while I’ve settled for “staycation” – the latest buzzword among those who can’t afford to go anywhere on holiday except the nearest park! In fact, the last thing I want in these days of economic downturn is to open a newspaper and read about where Saif Ali Khan took Kareena Kapoor on a vacation!

But even as I lost sleep thinking how my doctor was vacationing with all the money he squeezed out of me as consultation fees, I’d my revenge on him last night - though it was only in a dream!
It all started as the doctor boarded a return flight from New York and asked for a ham sandwich! Just then all hell broke loose as a squealing pig ran down the aisle, knocking down a couple of air hostesses and headed straight for the cockpit. Within minutes, even as passengers panicked and wondered if this was literally what a swine flu meant, the flight was hijacked by the pig who demanded to meet the doctor.

“I need you to cure me,” said the pig that was coughing, sneezing and sweating profusely. The doctor confessed his inability to treat the pig as he was only qualified to treat humans. The pig took it as an insult and said, “Don’t underestimate a pig, doctor! Do you know that pigs are next only to apes and dolphins in intelligence?

Just remember that we’re found on every continent except Antarctica and our largest population is concentrated in China! So don’t be surprised if we wipe you out with flu and then take over the planet! Because we’re tired of the human race and want to show them what it really means to hog the limelight! While we dislike a bad actor being called a ham, we hate Priyanka Chopra’s pet name – Piggy Chops!”

Over the next four hours, the pig flaunted his set of 44 teeth and boasted about how he can squeal three decibels more than a supersonic jet. The doctor endured it all until the pig quoted from Hamlet (“to beef or not to beef”) and insisted Sir Francis Bacon was his father! That’s when the doc jumped out of the plane!