Cricket carnival 'aala re'!

With no new movies at my neighbourhood multiplex, I’m missing out on my weekly fix of popcorn – a mix of regular with caramel. It’s the best thing at Fame Malad; sometimes even better than the film on the big screen! Of course, that’s not enough reason to take sides or offer expert comments on the ongoing stand-off between producers and multiplexes, except hoping it has a happy ending like most of our films!

Until then, thank God for the IPL! It’s got all the ingredients of a Bollywood blockbuster. It’s got big heroes – Shah Rukh Khan! It’s got hot heroines – Shilpa Shetty! It’s got item girls – cheerleaders! It’s got corporate funding – Reliance! It’s shorter that some Hindi movies! And it’s being held at one of tinsel town’s favourite outdoor locations – South Africa! But I really had high hopes on coach John Buchanan’s game-plan to send Kolkata Knight Riders on to the field with three captains instead of one! That could have been a stroke of genius in true filmi style, if Sourav Ganguly, Brendan McCullum and Mashrafe Murtaza appeared before the crowd together and did a jig – Ek se bhale do, do se bhale teen… Amar Akbar, Anthony!

I was also looking forward to seeing Sourav Ganguly as captain, winning a game and taking off his shirt to reveal what he’s achieved under Shah Rukh Khan’s expert guidance – six-pack abs.

But IPL does promise enough fun and it would be paisa vasool if Shilpa Shetty sashays onto the field on a day Rajasthan Royals needs a morale booster and snatches the ball from Shane Warne to cast her spell with a Dostana sizzle: Shut up and bounce, baby!
And there’s the promise of star cameos before every match!

Like, Akshay Kumar taking a giant leap from his Khatron Ke Khiladi sets on to the cricket pitch and doing some astounding martial arts moves with the stumps. Frieda Pinto entering the stadium dancing atop a train to Jai Ho. Shah Rukh Khan blowing kisses at the audience. Aamir Khan showing them his finger – to show that he voted. Salman Khan arriving in an auto rickshaw.

Lastly, there will be Preity Zinta and Ness Wadia under intense media scrutiny for clues to their current relationship status, with some TV channels even measuring the distance between the duo while they are watching the game and airing a special feature titled Kitne Door Kitne Paas.