Bollywood blogbuster

Last week, a film producer arrived on the sets of his multi-crore production and found it deserted. He frantically called up the director, the hero and the heroine, but nobody was taking his calls. Finally, he tracked down an assistant director sipping tea in the canteen and asked, “Where the hell is everybody? Why aren’t we shooting?”

The assistant director frowned and said, “Sir, everyone is busy blogging! The hero is posting a blog about how he’d like the media to leave him alone and respect his privacy. The heroine is admiring her size zero figure in the latest pictures she’s posted on her blog. As for the director, he’s defending his last 20 films! We’ll resume shooting if and when they have finished blogging!” The producer went back home and promptly started his own blog wherein he sacked the director, abused the hero and reduced the heroine to an item number!

Blogging has become the latest fad and passionate pre-occupation among the denizens of tinsel town. But stars are yet to realise that a slip of tongue can also occur on their blogs. And with journalism reduced to looking for ‘breaking news’ stories in these blogs, they can no longer claim to be misquoted…

However, with due apologies and tongues firmly in cheek, I present exclusive extracts from the blogs of film folks who are yet to attract media attention…

MITHUN CHAKRABORTY: What’s all the fuss about Kamal Haasan doing ten different roles in one film? Big deal! I’ve done one role in ten different films - and that too without stepping out of Ooty!

VIVEK OBEROI: I’m fed up! First they complain that success has gone to my head! Now they complain there’s too much hair on my head! Try finding a decent barber in this town!

SHEKHAR KAPUR: People in Hollywood have stopped talking to me! They say everyone who talks to me ends up dead! Look what happened to Heath Ledger and Anthony Minghella! Do I really bore people to death about the 20,000 projects that I spend energy talking about rather than making them? Now coming back to Paani, Time Machine, the unfinished Minghella film…

MADHUR BHANDARKAR: I got a National Award for Traffic Signal? Now how did that happen?

MAHESH BHATT: It’s a psychological manifestation of a physiological resuscitation of an emotional reverberation which is a representation of my constitutional right despite this gesticulation with an insinuation of my affiliation…

NANA PATEKAR:  ***#@%!!! #$%@&**!@!@ #$%#&*#$%^%!!!