Life without cable TV…what bliss

"Ooh, what a lovely ad," I said, when I saw a boy kick a ball over a fence on the big plasma telly at my friend's place. It was Saturday night, and we were chilling over pitchers of Sangria. Now, I'm not the best conversationalist - quite the opposite actually - but I'm proud to say that for the first time in my life, I said something that got everyone's attention. Fact is I don't have cable TV.

My last tryst with the gilded screen world was two years ago. In those days, Will and Grace were planning to adopt a baby; Jack was succumbing to the pressures of CTU on 24; Caroline was still drawing quirky cartoons in the city; re-runs of Friends and life at Central Park continued to dominate prime time; an enthusiastic Chinese-Australian woman kept talking about how beautiful food was; and Tyra Banks was hunting for the next new supermodel.
 
When I moved to a new apartment in the heart of Mumbai's party zone, I never got round to getting a cable connection. It was simple in those days: A man came, attached a box with an ugly wire, and you got around 10 channels dealing with news, English movies, and such. Somewhere down the line, it became complicated. Everyone was talking about something called CAS, and that we could get 500 different channels, and you had to fill forms and choose which company's TV selection you wanted.

Now, I'm thoroughly confused. I grew up in an age when there was a government-run channel called Doordarshan that occasionally deigned to air shows like Different Strokes, Yes Minister and He-Man cartoons. When I was 13, it changed. Suddenly my world revolved around Baywatch, BBC and The Bold and the Beautiful. I was happy - there was one English channel, one news channel, and Hallmark that aired teary, feel-good movies.

I can handle that. What I can't handle is 300 channels. So I opted out of the television rat race. From what I gather, I don't miss too much - mothers are still fighting with their daughters-in-law, Brooke is still trying to marry Ridge Forrester, and everyone in Sex and the City have got their men and are living the good life. They're also starring in a movie, I've been told.

And now that I know that my characters are doing well and have settled down, I can get on with my life. My mind is free from the flotsam and jetsam of TV life. Everything that I watch is a conscious decision. I do have a telly, a DVD player and a library that stocks the latest movies, sitcoms, and dramas. So while I refuse to watch The OC and have no idea what the big deal about Lost is, I do watch Prison Break, The Simpsons and South Park.

I have no time for mindless idiots who schedule their life around the telly. People who are more than willing to flop into a comfortable chair and channel hop. Theirs is a pointless, brain-dead existence. So yes, this means that I'm clued out of most conversations, but I will survive. I'm not a good conversationalist anyway. I think I mentioned that before.

But I do have a wish list. I'd like to have BBC Food and Discovery Travel and Living so I can spend a lazy Sunday afternoon watching someone cook a good meal or decorate their holiday home. And yes, if we ever get a show like Seinfeld, I'll call up my cable operator and ask him to bring that black box and that ugly wire home.
 
And today, I will go home; wind down with a glass of Riviera red; listen to REM - I like their new song; and finish the last chapter of Gogol's Dead Souls. My DVD library has promised to deliver a good movie, but if I don't feel like watching it, I can always take a stroll on the promenade and watch the dogs play or join a group of friends at Zenzi for a couple of glasses of wine.

Now, tell me what am I missing out on?

t_anjali@dnaindia.net