Gay concerns

Kantaben was worried sick for her son Kamles, who seemed to be in an unusually good mood over the weekend as many cities across the world celebrated the Gay Pride Festival. She was worried history was about to repeat itself, considering her husband ran away with their cable operator eight years ago. Last heard, the two men were living together and happily channel surfing.

Kantaben’s cause of concern started when Kamles suddenly began watching Bollywood films with a different perspective and put up a poster of Brad Pitt in a mini-skirt from the film ‘Troy’ in his bedroom…

“There is a gay undertone to every movie, ma,” he told her. “Look at ‘Devdas’! He had a problem getting over Chandramukhi and getting on with Paro. I am sure if they made a sequel, it would show the two women having a relationship because the guy they loved drank himself to death!”

“Hey Bhagwan,” wailed Kantaben. “Maney chakkar awsey!”
“That’s nothing, ma,” continued Kamles excitedly. “Even ‘Sholay’ had very gay undertones. Veeru and Jai were gay! Remember that song? Gay dosti hum nahin todenge!”

Kantaben was shocked. Kamles nodded. “Veeru and Jai were gay, ma! So was Gabbar Singh! He took a fancy to Veeru and that’s why he made Basanti dance on broken glass pieces! So that she’d be out of action and he could have Veeru all for himself! As for the Thakur with no hands; he would have died a frustrated man had his faithful servant Ramalal not offered him a helping hand!”

“But why are you telling me all this, dikra?” asked a visibly disgusted Kantaben.
“Because, ma,” Kamles deliberated adding, “Now I know what Oscar Wilde meant when he said a man can be happy with a woman as long as he’s not in love with her!”
“Huh?”
“Oscar Wilde was gay!”
“I don’t get it!”
“I am in love, ma! With a guy!”
“What? Who?”
“Monty! He’s this gorgeous six-foot tall muscular boy in my class! We plan to get married!”
Kantaben was reeling under the impact of her son’s revelation. “You two will live as husband and wife?” asked Kantaben, flabbergasted. “Who will be husband? Who will be wife?”
“Husband and wife is passé, ma,” explained Kamles. “The new term is spouse for life!”
Kantaben got up from her chair and slapped Kamles hard across his right cheek. “And you couldn’t find a nice boy from our community for all this? Murakh!”