The season’s wish-list

Tales From The Locker Room

Very few people know this, but such is the power of Christmas, that even Chinzhiz Khan celebrated it.

In fact, December 25, 1207 AD was a watershed date. 

The great Khan, during his conquest of Northern China, was so overcome by the Yuletide spirit and Christmas cheer that instead of massacring the entire village of Weixuan, he knocked off only 50 per cent of all living things.

Yes, Christmas has that effect on all holy men, young and old.

Back in the locker room, I was amazed at the hopes and fears of my co-inhabitants as they made their Christmas wish-list.

Tushar D, tentatively called Elvis, (due to the stampede that is caused when he decides to drop his towel and operate in the buff) had a very resigned look on his face.

He told me that all that he wanted for this Christmas and the next year was a day without traffic jams.

Just a 24-hour period with no ministers landing in and going about their business of doing nothing.

One day without a marriage blocking the approach to an entire road.

One day without road repair. One day when one actually gets to put one’s vehicle into uncharted territory—the third gear.

Dr Surve, the man with the imaginary stethoscope, (please don’t make me explain that), wanted one day where marriage vows would be suspended—24 hours of being a bachelor again.

Unfortunately, a fleeing Mr Sure quickly cancelled his wish upon being told by Tushar D, in his buff by now, that the same ruling would apply to Mrs Surve. Incidentally, she is far more attractive of the two.

Jolly Jiten (no one has ever seen him smile) wanted one maximum ceiling on real estate rates.

Darius II (he repeats everything twice) wanted more public areas to be declared children-free.

Having been unable to produce a child in 22 years, he’s taken to intensely disliking the little rodents.

As I heard one amazing wish after the other, I couldn’t help wondering whether Chinzhiz did the right thing.

After all traffic jams, governments, institutions like marriage, all have their root in one word—humans!

Maybe, lesser humans would be the best gift of all. Merry Christmas and please spread the Christmas fear...er cheer!