For once, no news is really good news

So thanks to a high court order, couch potatoes have had their lifeline yanked out — there is a black hole where TV programmes once were, and couples who had escaped talking to each other all these years are now struggling to find something to say to each other to fill in the silence.

And with TV sets gone silent, there are no more shrill anchors to make mountains out of potholes, no more smug pronouncements telling us what to think, no one wearing their political correctness on their sleeves, no more dial-a-quote TV soundbiters and mercifully no inane studio patter that passes for conviviality between newsreaders. For once, no news is really good news.

And of course, no Balaji soaps. No more bleating bahus and sassy saases, no more families convulsing under the hands of overly zealous soap-writers, no more big bindis, loud saris, and shallow plots. The soaps have run dry and we’re left with the suds.

And with channels off the air, no more canned American laughter, overage American TV stars playing hyperactive teens, no more risqué jokes, situational humour, wise-cracking comediennes, coffee shops that reek fake congeniality, no more middle American humour taking off on New York and LA.

And with the police stepping in as keepers of our conscience, there are no more rappers who look like they’re out on probation, pale moody boys who sing with a lisp, no more divas with vocal chords as big as their celebrated behinds, and no more watching songs picturised from the inside of a magic mushroom.

And no more talk shows! Who can forget the TV talk shows? No more having the same forty-four-and-a-half people paraded weekly saying the same things, no more smarmy hosts, and no more fake banter.

Oh, of course, no more ugly politicians! No more hypocritical statements, no more grandstanding, back-stabbing, sideswiping. No more seeing furniture thrown in Parliament.

And no more sports! No wrestling over umpire decisions, vaulting over rules, running away from responsibilities and no more kicking each other in the face.

And no more of the side shows either — cuddling gorillas, canoodling statesmen, cavorting decorators, cussed chefs.

Overnight they’ve departed, left us to our own devices, blown a big hole in our lives.

Yes sir, with the channels off the air, the world suddenly seems a very silent place indeed!

s_malavika@dnaindia.net