Peering into young minds

High school and college years are the time in life when many a youngster has friends by their side, raging hormones inside, sex on their minds and, occasionally, elsewhere as well.

“How ‘far’ you go is often the factor that decides how ‘cool’ you are,” says clinical psychologist Deepti Adukia, explaining the workings of young minds when it comes to issues of sex. “In these matters, peers are often the index of how much one should experiment or how far one can go.” 

This ‘peer index’, says Adukia, works at different levels, influencing the thoughts of youngsters and what they should or should not do. Consider Simone Anshuman, a 19-year-old from KC College, Mumbai. She stresses that she has never felt pressured by her peers, but admits, “Sometimes I feel out of place and wish I, too, had a boyfriend.”

Menaka Desai (name changed), an 18-year-old student from Jamnabai Narsee School, can easily relate to the ‘odd-person-out’ problem.  “But the cool syndrome is more common among boys,” she says. “They are the ones who brag about sex and what all they have done.”

On the other side the perceived pressures are different. “A girl who has had sex, or has multiple partners or casual sex, won’t talk about it openly because she fears judgment; people might think she’s loose,” says Sulakshana Seshadrinathan, a student at SRM Engineering College, Chennai.

And then there are those who fall for age-old lines like ‘I’ll break up with u if don’t sleep with me’ or ‘If you love me, why can’t you sleep with me?’

Leena Abraham, associate professor at the Tata Institute of Social Sciences, feels that all the talk about peer pressure often overshadows the reality of peer support. “Youngsters can’t talk to their families about sex; friends provide the most support,” she says.

“Invariably, sex-related talk revolves around diseases, pregnancies and other problems. No one talks to the youth about sexual pleasure; they need their friends for this.”

Ask the youngsters and most admit that peer pressure exists in varying forms and degrees. Some, however, reason that it depends on who your friends are, and that it’s ultimately up to you to do what you want. ‘What anybody else thinks is irrelevant,’ they say. Makes you wonder how many of them follow their own advice.