'X-film mein kaam karna hai, kya'

Pornography is illegal in India. But blue films are as accessible, as easily as milk and butter, down the road. And through accelerated pleasures of Google chrome as well; factually and actually.

We don’t have a Jenna Jameson. But we are not oblivious to her mollified versions along the likes of our indigenous Silk Smitha. The porn industry has been diligently catering to all denominations of society, likewise.

Gender neutral, age no bar (at least on the internet).

So, when barely a few months in my job, another female colleague and I were told to pursue a part story on Mumbai’s porn industry, we were damn kicked!

Who are the Savita Bhabhis of Mumbai’s porn movies? Where are the films shot? What’s the budget like? How do local CD vendors source them? 

We approached a pigeonholed CD shop in one of the many dingy by-lanes of Kamathipura. “X film hai?,” we asked casually. The CD-seller’s ‘I-didn’t-hear-you-right’ look soon melted into a promiscuous smile. 

At first, most shops outright denied stocking such titles. (I wasn’t wearing a kurta or carrying a jhola. Was I still looking like a journalist?)

After posing the question several times, our inhibition had sublimed. We sounded more casual, confident and believable. Eventually, a shopkeeper gave in. (Phew!) 

He scanned us briefly before fetching the CDs. (Covers were scandalously porn-personified.) “We don’t keep them on display for fear of raids. Few movies are shot here, but they sell like hot cakes. Clients and prostitutes buy them for obvious reasons,” he grinned.

Before he could make too much of our casual enquiries, we were out. After buying two CDs, we walked away with decent information. Not bad! Or so we thought.

Feeling more confident, we hobnobbed to Fort, the city’s porn CD-selling hotspot. We came across two teenaged boys. 

“Andheri, Jogeshwari mein bohot shooting hota hai, madam. No fancy stuff. Ek camera aur do kirdaar, bas,” chortled one. “I have worked in a movie too,” he added.

Hmm, time to run...

As soon, as we made a dash, a tall-bearded man in his 30s interjected us. Our casual chat with the ‘boys’ had made him suspicious. He claimed to be the kingpin of Fort’s porn mafia. (Ok… then!)

He stalked us into McDonalds, a little down the road. “Madam aap ka jo bhi kaam ho main karwa dunga. Money is good here,” he spoke with an obnoxious smile.

Woah.... wait a minute. What kind of ‘kaam’ was he talking about? It didn’t take us long to figure. 

From two enthusiastic journalists, intrigued about pursuing a porn story, here we were being taken as porn actresses. (Did I just get an offer to work in a ‘blue film’... pinch... no, it’s actually happening... grrr)

Change of job and how!

We dodged his offer. He was persistent. It took some time to ensure him we would ‘get back’. In my head (Ek camera aur do kirdaar, echoed the boy’s voice), I shuddered. (Get back, really now... I wanted to tell him ‘Get out’). 

After much coaxing, he was out of our hair. But not before leaving us with a perilous ‘did-this-just-happen-feeling.’ I avoided traversing the Fort stretch at least for a month. (No jokes). I am sure so did my colleague.

PS — Hope he’s not reading this.