Thank You, Cancer?

It feels weird, but the truth is, I want to say, 'Thank You Cancer'. The year was crazy difficult but it's gone on to make the meaning of life much easier. And then what is Shah Rukh Khan's DDLJ for, if not for chemo-ridden days? 
– Varsha Gupta, cancer survivor

February 4 is World Cancer Day, a day when we remember the people who battled cancer and some who won the battle against one of the most dreaded diseases.

Hearing the word 'cancer' from a doctor, makes the strongest person go weak. It is a time when the the resilience of a human being is tested, and not just the patient, but of the families and care-givers as well. Of course there is a lot of science. But let's keep the science aside and just talk about truly inspiring stories here. 

Stage One: Discovery 

Jeevan George, who was detected with fourth stage lung cancer, says, “Diagnosis brings along with it shock, fear, sense of humiliation, of doom, gloom ‎and despair. It soon developed into the "why me" syndrome which developed into depression and a sense of "all is lost" as the usual prognosis in this late stage cancer is that there is no cure”. 

In a research, doctors and nurses could predict the success of cancer surgery based on just one simple question. How are you feeling today morning? For patients who were confident of battling cancer, their chances of survival and recovery were significantly higher.

The story of Farheen, comes to mind. When she was meeting an oncologist, she described her situation saying, “I think the most amazing meeting was with two different doctors. One who heard my whole case and then looked at me and said ok so when can I meet the patient!”. Needless to say, with this kind of a life skill, Farheen thrives. She set travel goals for herself, and travels for two weeks, every year. She has seen windmills in Greece, gone rafting in Leh, watched the great migration at Masai Mara and the hot air balloon over the fairie's chimneys. Her next target is to go to Kilimanjaro. She runs an interesting travel business, where she takes people to hidden gems like Mandwa in Madhya Pradesh. 

Farheen is not alone, Sparsh was just 25, and a typical go-getter. Running a thriving business, lifting 200 kg weights in the gym. Four months after his marriage, he was diagnosed with cancer. Due to his illness, his entire business suffered. Six years and six debilitating chemo treatments later, he is now the father of a baby boy. His business is back on track. He recollects, how, with a “bald head, bald eyebrows and no eyelashes”, he started meeting clients so that he could build his business again. 

It is not what Cancer can do to you. It is what you do next that matters.

The learning for me is, if a cancer patient can answer the question, “how are you today morning” with great positivity, can I do the same? Many times, I do not. So as the new week begins, let's start with the affirmative. Life is really good. 

Stage Two: Giving care and relationships

I spoke to many cancer patients and caregivers. From amongst everything, the one element that binds them all together, was that it is very simply a wake up call, to get your life in order. Samit Mitra, whose wife is a survivor, says that it changed their 5Ws, What, Where, Why, Whom, What questions. 

Jaishri says that “Suddenly, from me having the assurance that I had a home with parents to depend on, they suddenly became dependent on me. But then that's life, it comes a whole circle”. 

Needless to say, every single survivor says that it was the family support which mattered the most. Varsha Gupta says, she was lucky to have friends and family who would “shout” at her, bringing her back to reality. I remember losing a dear friend Gajendra Joshi, to cancer. He said, cancer makes you realise that family matters the most. 

That brings me to the second learning. Why wait for cancer to build caring relationships? Relationships are the cornerstone to positivity. 

Building a new legacy: 

In another study, Shelley Taylor, Rosemary Lichtman and Joanne Wood found that their lives had actually turned for the better! You can see the same from the few stories above. Varsha Gupta, who I quoted earlier, says, “From being an extremely career-oriented girl, who had tasted a moderately fat pay cheque at the end of every month, I started subconsciously moving towards being this person who valued relationships as much as her career, who realised that the laptop is not going to call you before and after your chemo to ask you how you are doing. Priorities underwent a change and so did life.

It is not about cancer. Rekha Kakkar’s daughter, Agreya was born with a rare heart defect. Agreya recently passed away. Now, Rekha and her husband run the The Agreya Kakkar Foundation. 

Amanda, who lives in the UK, lost her mother to the battle to cancer. Her mother told her that she should enjoy her life and not waste it. Amanda now runs Senior Health Care Services, one of UK’s largest health companies. Her mission is to "Ensure people are treated with care and dignity (and any medical treatment they need) when the end inevitably comes to us all.”

In each and every discussion, the word 'wake-up call' always came up. So why wait for the wake up call? Do what you really want to do. Do what matters to you the most. Do what you love doing. Cherish the people who matter to you, the most. 

That is what positivity is all about -- facing a dreaded obstacle, re-prioritising life, waging a hard battle. Winning is when you thrive and flourish. 

As a new week begins, I wish you great health for you and your dear ones. Everyday, give them a big hug. On February 4, Word Cancer Day, hold them, just a little bit closer, warmer, longer.