How to live your life's core values, every single day

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. - Plato

Today is June 29. In 48 hours, the month of July will begin, when most of India will be covered with the monsoon winds, bringing an end to a hot summer. Meanwhile, many parts of Europe will be recovering from winter and getting ready for summer holidays. We witness the cruelty of human beings and the outpouring of compassion every day. On the economic front, we are seeing weaker economies negotiating hard to hold on to values and not give in to economic pressures and demands of global finance. On the political front, we see pitched battles being fought with no end in sight, and of course the corrosion of values. 

Just the launch pad we need for the month of July. There is something about July. Man landed on the moon on July 20, 1969. France will celebrate its La Fête nationale or Le quatorze juillet on July 14. The United States will celebrate their Independence Day on July 4, buoyed by the new-found freedom for same-sex couples in the United States. It's a sign that deeply-held value systems are rapidly changing. As a result, new personal codes are evolving. Definitions of what is right and what is wrong are being challenged and replaced. Beliefs of what is good and bad are being challenged. 

Is Monday morning, that to on a month end, a good time to talk about values? Well, let me make a pitch for it. 

Half an hour's meditation each day is essential, except when you are busy. Then a full hour is needed. - Saint Francis de Sales 

When I work with people from all aspects of life I am blown away by two aspects of their personalities. First, when you ask what their values are and what gives them meaning, I usually get a blank stare. The effort it takes to dig into the deep recesses of the brain to retrieve files that store this information is simply incredible. The question is, how do I identify my values? Let me tell you how I go about it. I ask them to write down their favourite quote. Some more head scratching ensues. With great reluctance they pick up the pen. Once they write the first one down, I ask them to reflect on it. Then we talk about it. It gives a lot of insight about what they value. Once they are done with that, most usually come up with another quote and then another and then another. The pen never stops. I ask them to keep writing them down. Suddenly the energy is unleashed. What you thought was a small file with some information, turns out to be a completely new hard disk drive. That is the second aspect that blows me away. 

Then out comes my famous highlighter. I ask them to highlight a few words or phrases that stand out for them. If they want, they are free to add more words and phrases or to reconstruct phrases. 

Then I ask them to select five to six phrases or sets of words, which resonates with them the most. That usually does it for them! I never let them of so easily.

Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does. - William James 

Then comes my second question, which is usually the easier one. 

Think of a time when you are the happiest? 

Lots of interesting answers come out. When I am with my family. When I am exercising or playing squash. When I am with friends. When I am dancing (maybe with friends). When I am at the gym. When I am with colleagues I love working with. When I was preparing for a presentation. When I was about to make the most important sales pitch in my life. When my business doubled. When I broke a past record. When I broke my personal record. When I learnt to play the guitar. When I am cooking. When I see the sunset. 

Then you put both the sheets next to each other. 

If health is a value for the person, then the person usually mentions gym, exercise, walking. 

If family is a deeply held value. The person will say things like when I am with my daughter, when my mother visits me, my mother's cooking. Festivals. 

If personal ambition and aspiration is a value; they talk about work related accomplishments and recognition. 

If learning is a value; they talk about how they overcame a challenge or a difficult work situation that they learned a life long lesson. 

If trust is a value, then they talk about how they trusted someone to deliver a difficult project and the person delivered it. Or perhaps how they were entrusted with sensitive information. 

If solitude and individualism is a value; they talk about how they are happiest when they are sitting on a plane with just their own thoughts. 

Then comes a look of disappointment on their faces. The smiles begin to recede, their shoulders begin to slump, their voice lowers, eyes begin to glaze over, you can hear the whoosh of the deflating balloon. Then comes the question, that is burning deep down inside:

I do not have the time! I cannot tell you how stressed I am at work! My commute saps all my energy. My boss leaves me deflated. The politics in my office is so bad that I cannot even breathe. I do not have time for these nice things. 

If you plan on being anything less than you are capable of being, you will probably be unhappy all the days of your life. - Abraham Maslow

A common enough point for each one of us.

I was helping a friend’s daughter who wanted to write a book and was finding it difficult juggling a high intensity career and the creative pursuit of writing a book. So I started reading up on how authors actually write a book. I read a great line by Gretchen Rubin who has written a few blogs on “How to write a book”. In a nutshell, her rule was - Just Write. Which got me thinking, so I introduced the young writer to two very famous Indian authors. One of them said, “If there is a book in you, it will come out. Just write.” Another writer said, “Even if it is for just 15 minutes a day, just start writing, today. It does not matter how long, just write.”

Recently, I signed on to help a very senior person transition after being given the pink slip. Even this person did not have the time or the energy to undertake the activities that they felt would give them energy. You might find it strange that an unemployed person did not have time to go to the gym, or walk for 45 minutes and look after his health. How does a person who worked 80 hours (including commute) a week, and who suddenly does not have to work any more not have time for personal well being? Even more strange, how does a person who loves social connectedness, not find the will to make a phone call to friends and ask for help in seeking employment? Well, for starters, it is perfectly natural. 
A very senior leader leader from the United Kingdom, came across my work on Facebook (thank you Mark and Sheryl). We met at Starbucks for a chat. He told me that he loves painting and since he was separated from the company, he resumed his hobby for painting. Last week, this banker held his very first painting exhibition. I guess, he might still be itching to get back into the corporate world and maybe he misses the adrenaline rush of board presentations, but I can bet that his passion for painting will open up new landscapes and vistas for him. Later, I sent him a few interventions that he might want to try out. I am not sure if my chat helped him, but he did recommend me to his own family in India. Perhaps that is an indication that something went right. 

The point of these stories being….

July has a glorious 31 days, it is up to you to decide how you want to live your values. You might want to start by doing the exercises above and then writing down your top five Core Values on you card and then resolve to make them happen. It might be reconnecting with friends. Being gentler on yourself. Planning a short 20-minute walk. Taking that weekend break with the family. Beginning work on a canvas that has been waiting for you. 

If you can live your true values, every single day, life will seem a bit more meaningful, a bit more pleasant and a bit less rushed. 

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. – Plato 

The author is the Founder of The Positivity Company. This is part of a series called 'Positive Mondays' which describes how positivity has a multiplicative effect, simultaneously impacting all work and life outcomes.