How positive words can impact the course of our lives

Rule one: No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world— Robin Williams, Dead Poets Society (1989) 

This Monday's column I shall devote to the simple concept of language and words. 

I recently signed on a client who is the owner of a successful machine tool business. Off late, his business hit rough weather and he was feeling drained. Every second sentence of his started with “I am feeling caged”. The more he used the word caged, the more his shoulders drooped. Even worse, when his shoulders drooped, I started mirroring him. After a couple of minutes of mutual misery, something changed. 

It was words. What hurt the owner was that his business was going at full speed. He said, “I was a Ferrari going at full speed and now  have come to a halt”. I asked him to explain it to me. Soon it was clear. Indeed his Ferrari was travelling at 300 kmph, but what the driver had not anticipated was the series of high-pressure hairpin turns that he was facing. Most drivers find the hairpin turns a thrill. That is when they get to use their skills, instead of just pressing the accelerator. But when he discovers it was not a cage, but a Ferrari negotiating the hairpins of life, his eyes lit up. His shoulders and spine are ramrod straight anticipating his action. Suddenly, there is energy. 

Isn't it fascinating how two words “caged” and “high-pressure, hairpin turns” can describe exactly the same event but change the response mechanism?

We recently celebrated the life of perhaps one the most loved Presidents in the modern history of India, who through his measured and wise words, gave the youth and old something to think about. President Kalam made generations proud. 

Words inspire people to go to war to defend their citizens. Would you ever forget the famous, “We shall fight on the beaches” speech delivered by Winston Churchill. 

Words win the battle of brands whether it is Apple, Mickey Mouse or M&Ms. 

Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” speech inspired people to recognise their civic duties and civic rights. There is a reason he did not say, “I have a plan”. Technically, both of them should have driven the same message, but they did not. 

Truly, words are tools of positivity. 

Rule two: But if thought corrupts language, language can also corrupt thought— George Orwell, 1984 

Within every word there are the pathways to immeasurable worlds. As each word is uttered, a corresponding pathway opens up in your mind. With the utterance of a word, a different world presents itself to three different sets of people. For the person who speaks the words and for the person for whom the words are designed, different set of worlds are created. Now, interestingly, even for the person who hears the words being spoken unwittingly, an innocent bystander, a different set of worlds is created.

Words indicate intent. Let me give you an example. World over, when we leave someone’s company for a duration of time we wish each other. 'See you' in English, 'au revoir' in French or 'auf wiedersehen' in German. Literally translated they mean, till we meet again. Those are words that state the obvious— that you want to meet again. It is interesting that in Hindi, we use Namaskar (Namas is “I bow” and Kara means the action) as both a greeting for welcome and farewell. 

Such is the power of a simple word. Try and observe two strangers when they depart. When you hear a heartfelt bye, you know instinctively that they are two people who look forward to meeting each other again. When you do not hear those positive words and actions, you know that these are two people who think that they are better off without the other’s company. 

Now think about it. How do you feel when you see a heartfelt greeting? Does it make you smile? Does it open you up, just a little bit, for that fleeting moment? Just witnessing the exchange of words can influence the environment.

We see it so often. When an aircraft is delayed, all it take is one person to loudly complain about the inefficiency of the airline. One other person nods in agreement, and then a third mutters in exasperation and a fourth and suddenly, a hundred people in the aircraft are affected. The contagion starts to spread through the aircraft. So not only is the aircraft delayed, we now find faults with the service. Even if the pilot makes up for the thirty minutes by a valuable twenty minutes, we still complain. We find fault in the bus, which took perhaps a hundred and twenty seconds longer. Then when we get into the meeting at our destination, we carry forward the bad temper. Ground Zero for this chain of events was that one person complaining loudly. 

Rule three: A picture can tell a thousand words, but a few words can change it’s story― Sebastyne Young, Wait Until You're Old and Alone

Sadly, we grossly underestimate the power of words. We think it is just a philosophical concept and ignore the impact that words have on the outcome of our lives. The words we use lead to a self-selection and restriction of our responses and not a full exploration of the repertoire of responses and actions. 

Let me give you an example. You are a sales leader, who has struggled with an understaffed team and few resources. The picture looks gloomy. Your team is wondering what you will say in the August Sales & Operations Planning Meeting. The worst happens. You are about to enter the meeting, when your phone buzzes and your boss is calling you to talk about the ugly picture that was July. Surprisingly, your boss, who is usually an ungrateful and insensitive person, says, “Listen, I know you had a terrible month, but I have faith in your strengths. I know you will learn from July, and I am just calling to wish you a great August and remind you about what you learnt.” 

In what mood will enter the meeting room? 

I know what you are thinking. “Never going to happen”. 

But can you make it happen for your people? If you can change it for your people, then you are a catalyst of change. If you are simply passing the message from your boss to your team, then you are just a passive wire with great conducting capabilities and a thick insulation cover. 

Look at the words again— 'catalyst of change' or 'passive, conductive wire'. Words matter because they are a catalyst for positive change. The fact is, you don’t need a speech. The quality of your inquiry is what matters. 

Rule four: Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace— Buddha, Dhammapada​

Don’t you get sick of people, who talk and talk and talk till you are numb? A simple rule of thumb is two ears and one mouth. Don't speak more than one word for every two words that you hear. If you are about to say one sentence, make sure the other person has said at least two sentences. 

Positive listening can be more powerful than positive words. 

Rule five: I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it— Evelyn Beatrice Hall, The Friends of Voltaire

Imagine this, you are in a heated debate about something you hold dear. We often see intense debates flare up on social media. Recently, there were debates on the concept of capital punishment. There was debate on those who suffer and on justice. There was a huge debate on the principle of attending the funeral. The integrity and national loyalty of attendees was brought into question. 

Words are at the roots of democracy. Words have power and therefore have to be used with great care. 

Rule six:  If you wouldn’t write it and sign it, don’t say it— Earl Wilson

Your words are the legacy that you will leave behind. Your words reflect your values. Generations to come will feed off the values they heard from you and from the stories of the generations that went by. The Quran, the Bible, the Gita, the Vedas, the Granth Sahibs, all hold words of wisdom. The words contained within them have shaped our societies. 

Dr Paul TP Wong, a renowned instructor and researcher in the field of Meaning in Life, talks about responsibility as the crucible of life. 

If I may add, the words we identify ourselves with reflect what Dr Wong calls taking personal responsibility for your words and the consequences of your choice of words and responses. It is about taking a social responsibility for the effect of your words on others around you. 

Your words can build or destroy. Your words hold the elixir to energise or drain. Your words are already shaping generations, you are just not aware of the power you hold. 

A drop of ink may make a million think— George Gordon Byron

The author is the Founder of The Positivity Company. This is part of a series called 'Positive Mondays' which describes how positivity has a multiplicative effect, simultaneously impacting all work and life outcomes. Birender can be reached on birender.ahluwalia@gmail.com.