Confidence comes from a space of self-love

I am a Class 10 student. I set targets for myself that I have to complete a certain portion in a certain period of time. But it never happens. Then next time, when I study again with full determination, again I get distracted and my target remains unfulfilled. I am very worried about my habit. I hope for a solution.

Thank you for writing to us. I can understand how frustrating this can be for you. I think there are two concerns here — the first one has to do with distraction and the second one is in relation to how realistic or unrealistic are the goals set by you. 

Begin by exploring what’s distracting for you. Do you think it is the presence of a smartphone if you have one? It may help to keep the smartphone away. Research shows that even the presence of a phone in the room can serve as a distraction. Often when we get frustrated, irritated with our own self, it affects our willpower. This guilt sometimes doesn’t allow us to work at a pace we are capable of. 

Work with another adult possibly who can help you set realistic goals, choose to not be so self-critical. It clearly sounds to me that you are keen on doing well. It’s the perseverance, choosing to put efforts and the determination which brings out best results. All the best!

It’s very difficult for me to take other people’s compliments seriously. What do you think I can do to build my confidence?

With limited information provided, I get the feeling that when others compliment you, you wonder if people really mean what they are saying. 

There could possibly be two reasons — one, you find it difficult to trust others and their intentions. Second, you struggle with self-esteem and find it difficult to understand how people can compliment you, when possibly you don’t see it yourself. 

As a teenager when you are changing at an emotional, psychological and physical level, learning to embrace one’s identity is an important task. 

Begin by asking yourself, if you like your own self. Our confidence comes from a space of self-love and we believing in our own physical, social and emotional self. Confidence or building one’s self-esteem means learning to like yourself in the context of how you have evolved over years and learning to not compare yourself with others.

 Learning to receive compliments graciously and acknowledging your strengths, and potential is important for your self-care. I suggest that you ask yourself if you like various aspects of your personality — physical, emotional and social. If you find yourself struggling with these domains, then do meet a psychologist who can help you develop body positivity and greater self-compassion for your own self.

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