They’re alike, yet different

Ah, parenting!  No mean task, especially if you are blessed with more than one offspring in your nest. You learn that a formula that works for one may have disastrous effects on the other in a given situation — more so if it is a pressure cooker situation. Take examinations, which have been the preoccupation of countless families in the last few weeks. Over the years, I learnt the hard way that both my kids devised their own patterns that suited their individual temperaments and rose to the occasion.

Circa March 2006. My daughter, Aakanksha, took the board examination from Bombay Scottish School. The stress did not heat up my home environs. Never mind that during her finals, one of my parents was in hospital. At night, while she studied, a sliver of light coming from under her bedroom door was evidence enough of her being awake. When she would come in to sleep, the slightest movement would wake me, and we would smile a quiet goodnight. She would relax watching Friends, or at most chatting for a bit with her friends.

The late hours notwithstanding she would be ready to drive out with me to her school, with time to spare. We would walk up to the gate as I bid adieu (as many other parents did). Later, it became a routine for me to wait for her at my parents’ gate (near her school) and we would drive back together. Exams done, she spent time with close friends, came home and slept it all off in the quiet of her room.

Circa March 2011. Same school. Same exam. Again, a parent in the hospital. As I watched my second-born offspring, Gaurav, studying, I saw how alike the two are and yet, how different. “Chill, Mom, I will manage” — is the answer I had heard from both at different times. Both owl-like, worked through the night ingesting mugs full of coffee to stay awake. 

My son — though habituated, perhaps like me, to do things at the last minute — could not live without connecting with pals. So, the home turned into a ‘war zone’. Out came the TV card, the landline disappeared into a corner of the house as did his mobile as D-day approached.  But, often, like all parents do, I resorted to a bribe or two. One night just before the exams, we watched an Arsenal football match.

In hindsight, it seems as if one day blended into another.  Lines like “Mom, can I use your cell? I have a doubt and want to talk to my friend” or “What’s to eat?”, “I am just taking a break”, “Ma, radoo nakos (don’t cry)” will remain etched forever in my mind. During the two-week prep leave, a host of books would lie on the sofa, the dining table and often on his bed — clear evidence of work done. As exams began and the papers began rolling by, subjects diminished and so did the mess.

The rush to reach school — thankfully a ten-minute drive away — was far different from the one I did five years ago. He religiously prayed, folding his hands before my father’s photo before we left, dashing from the car to cross the road with a swift bye.

The business of papers dispensed with, his five pals came over for a stay-over. They stayed up all night, chatting and playing on the play station. Bleary eyed, in the morning, I found the boys still up, bright and cheerful. Breakfast gobbled up, they dashed off for a game of football.

My daughter saw my bemused expression and had the last word: “Mom, they are boys. The boards are over. Let him be.” Trust one sibling to understand another. And that understanding, whether between two siblings or between a parent and a child, completes the joys of being a mother. More of that next time…