The importance of authoritative figures

Till now, I’ve always been that kid who craves the approval of all her teachers. Their love, affection and respect has always been very important for me. The same goes for my parents. As much as possible, I try not to defy them. I bask in their trust. (Yes, I’m the stereotypical goody two shoes). And believe it or not, being a teacher’s/parent’s pet has always made life easier for me.   

But honestly, being a teacher’s pet is not clingy or undignified as portrayed in our mainstream media. I mean, come on — give our teachers some credit. Do you really think they’ll love you forever just because you agree with everything they say? Of course not! In fact, they respect those who have their own opinion. They respect those who stand up for themselves. And more than anything else, they respect honesty. And earning that respect is the only thing you need to do if you want them to trust you.   

The point of this article is to try and show you all how the relationship between every teenager and authoritative figure is a two-way street of mutual respect, trust and sometimes, a little faith. And these relationships are often ones that end up shaping our perspectives on a lot of things in this world. If a teacher/parent/guardian ever expects me to trust them, I expect them to trust me too. I expect that they have faith in me and know enough about me to understand that although my intentions may not be clear at that very instance, my motivations and morals are always clean. 

The number of times that I’ve watched parents and teachers use fear as a way of control is astounding and also a little saddening. In Indian society, age has been the yardstick used to measure intelligence for so long that a child is considered irrelevant, irrespective of what he or she may have to offer.  

Hence, we all get arm-twisted into doing a lot of things without even getting an opportunity to justify why we don’t want to do it. Honestly, getting your child to do whatever you want is so easy. Get them to respect you. Get them to trust you. But this won’t happen if you don’t respect them or if you don’t trust them. If teenagers are being defiant or not agreeing to do something just because you told them to, it really isn’t because we don’t love you. Love plays no part at all — so that should cancel off horrible emotional blackmail as a method of coercion. That’s the absolute worst form of torture. 

The authority figures that I have encountered have always been very supportive and accommodating. Small acts of kindness that they show me (like trusting me, occasionally forgiving my mistakes, having my back in general) only increases my respect and love for them, which will convince me to do whatever they want me to in the future. It’s a cyclic pattern. You have to put something in to get something out. And because of such good relationships with such figures, I don’t look at authoritative figures in society with a veil of suspicion as many people do. I don’t think that they are here to threaten or tease or condemn us, at first sight. I don’t have any prejudice against them.

Those who quote Machiavelli — it’s better to be feared than loved — seem to have forgotten the latter part of the quote: “It’s better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.”

It’s not an either/or situation. You can be both. 

The writer is a published author, caffeine lover and queen of procrastination

Have something to say? Write to dnaofteens@gmail.com, rama.ramanan@dnaindia.net