Rick's Ramblings: One man’s crazy is another man’s Zen

On a break-up message, I was told once, “You’re too much for me, your life is too much, too extreme, too crazy for me, it’s like a roller coaster —full of ups and downs. One week you’re crazy in love with me, we are together 24 /7, the next week, you’re in Cape Town shooting and you don’t pick calls and I get one WhatsApp text saying, ‘Hi! I’m good, hope you’re great, love you’. That’s it, also when I was in Goa, in eight days, I get two WhatsApp messages saying, ‘Hope you’re having fun, be safe, take care, love you, I can’t deal with this. I love you and then vanish off behaviour, you’re too volatile, I think, I want to be with someone, who’s balanced and matured. I can’t do this yo yo thing’.” Well, breakups are tough and honestly, everyone has their reason.

But I remember thinking — Are you serious? How is this any reason to break up? I couldn’t understand why would someone dump me for all my good qualities? In my head, I thought, I gave you space when you went with your friends to Goa, I didn’t nag you, ask you questions. When I had time off, I was with you each and every moment and then when I had my movie to work on, I focused 100 per cent on work and did message you once a week to tell you, ‘I miss you’. So how’s all that a bad thing? I focused on you and my work, both, 100 per cent and that’s extreme? How? So, basically balance will be to focus 50 per cent each at all time, but how’s that a good thing? Well, that’s just my personal opinion ...

It made me wonder we always talk about a balanced relationship, but what exactly is that balance? Balance as a concept is subjective clearly so obviously, it means different things to different people and a relationship has two people in it. So, how do you get the exact balance right?

What if your “too much” is my balance? So when someone says, “You need to be balanced in your relationship, I wonder what do they really mean? Is it that you have to be balanced according to the other person and if it’s so, how is that fair? I wonder if it’s a crazy thought but worth thinking — what if being on a rollercoaster is my Zen space and if it’s so, who are you to tell me — it’s not?