Not just a one-time thing

No one comes out of the closet only once. It is not a one-and-done deed. After you do it for the first time, you end up having to do it over and over and over again.

I’ve come out to people in person, over the phone, on Facebook messenger, on Gtalk, at an airport, in an office, and even by a lake. And because coming out isn’t an isolated incident, there can’t be just one coming out story.

When I came out to my parents at the age of 21, it happened in a closed room with curtains drawn and in hushed voices, like we were trading nuclear codes. And the result was nothing short of an atomic disaster that I’m still reeling from. When I came out to my best friend, it was a long online chat into the wee hours of the morning and I came away from it a new person full of confidence.

I came out to my female ex-boss because we were taking a work trip together and I didn’t want things to get awkward. Assured disinterest is better than assumed interest. She felt the same way and was strangely relieved to know. And when I told a new work friend after months of knowing her, she said, “Yeah, I know” — the worst of reactions. I’m sharing a big part of my life with you and all you have to say is, “I know” Even if you know, raise an eyebrow or something! React!

The reactions of others, however, are mostly irrelevant. What matters is that every time I come out, there’s one more person in the world that I don’t have to tip-toe around. What a sad thought! But it’s true. I get one step closer to the openness of sexual identity that a straight person automatically enjoys.

Having to come out of the closet is the most ridiculous exercise, anyway. I think straight people should be made to declare their sexual preferences at a certain age, too. Why should we cross this awkward, unnecessary hurdle alone?

Today, I’m coming out to a newspaper, and by its virtue, to you. Hi, I’m gay. I wish I could tell you my name but remember that atomic tragedy I told you about? Yeah, I’m kind of in the middle of that. So I’m gay and it’s none of your business and you won’t know if you see me on the streets, there’s no neon sign on my head, and frankly, it won’t change anything between us if we were to meet some day. I’m gay and this is a thing that gay people have to do, so I’m doing it.

I’m experiencing the same rush of adrenaline I do every time I tell someone new. I feel a tad unburdened and lot more comfortable with myself. I’m hoping that things change overnight and that “coming out” becomes obsolete.
And I know I won’t, so I’m already preparing to tell the next person.