An LGBTQ activist asks: When will sexual assault against men be recognised?

I was at a LGBTQ discussion forum in Mumbai on Sunday, where a group of us were discussing issues about being different from the social constructs of gender binary and hetero-normativity. Four young persons shared their personal stories of being ‘queer’, of dressing up the way they felt inherently, of defying the stereotype of masculinity and femininity; and the reactions of their parents, friends and society around them. Some of the stories were humorous, some were painful – but overall it was very empowering that these young persons have managed to negotiate their identity and emerge stronger. Among them was D, a gorgeous young person who is a wonderful performer. He was dressed in a vest and leggings, his hair coloured and his nails painted. He exuded confident in his self.

After the discussion, there was a break before the next programme was to start. I was talking to my friends and didn’t know that just 100 feet away outside the safe space, there was a horrible incident going on.

This is what I came to know later.

When D stepped out to buy cigarettes from a nearby shop in the neighbourhood, a lout from the streets came up to him, grabbed his crotch and made a suggestive remark. D slapped him for sexually assaulting him. Then all hell broke loose. The entire area erupted, with a whole gang of drunken guys chasing D, grabbing him, hitting him, molesting him. They hit him with a cricket bat, they pulled his hair and they tore his vest. They almost raped him.

This was all in broad daylight with scores of onlookers. Nobody tried to save him. Another young queer friend V, who was with him, tried to protect him. He was also punched in the face and beaten. Finally, it was a local lady social worker who managed to save D and bring them back to the venue.

When we stepped out hearing the commotion, we saw D coming back, with no vest, bruises all over his back and shoulder, face bleeding. He was finally taken into the safe space and first aid was administered.

First, he was in a state of shock, then he was seething with anger, and only much later came the tears and sobs. He cursed and ranted as we stood silent spectators. All of us huddled together and tried to think of what action we could take. We couldn’t take him to a hospital as they would ask for an FIR to be registered with the police. And the police would naturally accuse D for being dressed flamboyantly, for being gender non-confirmative and question his sexual orientation. Perhaps, even book him on false charges under Section 377. The venue administrators said there was no point as the drunken louts in the area created trouble all the time. The police may put them in the lock up for a day, but they would come back and create trouble again. D was also in a dilemma, as he stays quite close to the area, and it would make him vulnerable again. He decided not to take the matter ahead.

This wall of hooliganism, the police and the system can be quite threatening. It is an uphill task to break these walls to help protect a young queer person, and bring justice to him. How do we change social attitudes to accept diversity, how do we make people understand that being queer is as natural as being a man or woman?

D wrote on his blog later, “Is this fair? What’s my fault? I was dressed slutty? Is it not rape that my clothes were torn in the middle of the road? What’s the difference between a girl’s clothes getting torn and man’s clothes getting torn? Just that men do not have breast?”

That echoed my own questions. Why is sexual assault and rape against a male not considered sexual assault? Why are people threatened by those who are different? What is this trigger point? Where does this homophobia, transphobia and queerphobia stem from – religion, patriarchy, social mores, warped sense of masculinity? How do we put an end to it?

How can we wipe the tears from D’s eyes, restore his dignity, and assure him of continuing to be who he is? How can we end hatred and violence against queer persons?
It is time each one of us looks into ourselves to find answers.

Sridhar Rangayan is a writer, director and gay activist who has been using the medium of films and public speaking, to create awareness about LGBTQ issues.