Review: Don't settle for 'Resident Evil: Retribution'

Film: Resident Evil: Retribution
Cast: Milla Jovovich, Michelle Rodriguez, Kevin Durand, Sienna Guillory, Shawn Roberts
Director: Paul WS Anderson
Rating: *

In a virtual simulation of the United States, which is actually the underwater base of an evil mega-corporation (which happens to be threatened by its evil sentient security system while the world at large is zombified by a deadly virus), the heroine Alice tells the pacifist clone of her deceased comrade (Rodriguez) after teaching her to shoot: “Congratulations, you are now officially a bad ass.”

This, no doubt, must be what the fans responsible for making the Resident Evil series the successful franchise it is feel about themselves when they step out of the theatre.

Detached from the Capcom video games which spawned it, the fifth instalment of the Resident Evil film series begins on a promising note (visually at least) to melt away into an open invitation for scorn. The writing, not restricted to the haphazard plot, which also manages to rip off James Cameron's Aliens at one point, is largely responsible for this.

Catsuits, the perpetual rat-a-tat-tatong of machine guns, slow-mo martial art moves and the random placements of creatures and characters from the games dominate. The paper-thin plot involves Jovovich playing Alice (let's not delve into her long and convoluted back story) spends most of the film being pursued by antagonist Jill Valentine (Guillory), whose mind is controlled by the Umbrella Corporation.

Playing a video game would be emotionally more gratifying and at least in that pixelated universe, choppy dialogue delivery, awkward emoting and glassy countenances wouldn't be out of place. (To be fair, there was a lingering doubt in my mind as to whether or not the actress playing femme fatale Ada Wong was a CGI model).

Gamers, don't settle for this; there will have been a million in-game cinematics more moving than this tripe. Casual viewers, do not subject yourself to Resident Evil: Retribution lest you emerge as brain-dead as the creatures in it.