Big boys, bigger toys

This goes back a few years. Gautam Singhania and I are driving through the streets of London in a Lamborghini. A new acquisition for Gautam. It is summer. A bright, sunny day one seldom sees in the city. As we weave our way through traffic, we attract admiring looks. Heads turn at the sight of the car. I turn to Gautam and ask him if he realises that having taken the trouble to buy a chick magnet, the only people stopping and staring are men.

And that really is the trouble with boy toys. They get better and bigger with each passing year. It is a sad but true tale that the only thing that separates the men from the boys is the price of their toys. It is another sad but true fact that we don’t buy these to impress women. We buy them to impress other men. You women should understand this. For years, I’ve been told that women don’t dress for men, they dress for other women.

Armchair psychologists will trot out theories about compensation. They are so completely wrong. This acquisitive streak in men has nothing to do with an inadequate anatomy. The only compensation that comes into play is the amount we’re willing to pay for what we want.

The trouble of course is that having bought a piece of kit, there’s always someone who goes out and spends more on an even fancier piece of kit. The first time I took a private plane in India was to Pune. Prakash Chhabria offered to send me his since I was going over to talk work with him. It flew so low it scared the hell out of me. I offered to take the train back.

Look at what we have now. Gautam, given his father’s love for flying, has had access to a plane since he was a sprog. The Ambanis, now that they’ve split up, have need for more than the one they used to have. But let’s face it. A Gulfstream is good. But it’s hard to beat a Boeing. Which is what Vijay Mallya had for years. Until he decided to upgrade it to the latest generation Airbus.

My friend Bharat Kewalramani makes boats. Unfortunately Bharat doesn’t yet make the kind of boats the big boys want. Which is something that can comfortably cruise from Mumbai to Monaco. Ajay Piramal had a dhow that could go to Dubai. Gautam got one too. And has now upped the stakes with a custom-fitted cruiser. Vijay, ever hard to beat, began with Kalizma, picked up the Indian Princess, and has now got the even more regal Indian Empress.

Does it stop? Don’t be daft. As long as there are men who can be the first on their block to buy the car no one else has. The boat that can outrun the QE2. And the plane that can fly them to the moon. There was a point where rumour had it Vijay was going to buy a 747. I don’t believe that for a second. But don’t be surprised to see the space shuttle parked out at Sahar. That, I wouldn’t put past him at all.