Love to lie, lie to love, says Sajid Khan

I recently read in the gossip column of a newspaper (yes, that’s where they exist nowadays since film magazines are extinct) that I reconciled with my ex-girlfriend over coffee. JHOOTH! But it’s okay, it is gossip after all. The truth is we haven’t spoken since the day we saw Splitsvilla two years ago.

Now this got me thinking. Why can’t exes be friends? Don’t get me wrong. I am not generalising here as I have seen a few exes together, claiming that they are friends and that they are very cool about it. And I guess, when an ex says that I wish him/her well, it actually means INTO the well.

Most single men, just like me, would agree that singledom has its ups and downs. Forwards and backwards, sideways and anti-clockwise too. And a few other tantric positions. (Wink) I’m sure being in a relationship also has its highs and lows. You are high for the first few weeks/months and then onwards, it’s all about feeling low. Ninety per cent of the time, it’s always a ‘gentleman’ who initiates a relationship by saying those three magical yet selfish words — I love you! Magical, because it sounds very good at the correct time but 100 per cent selfish because he says ‘I’ love you. Do you love ME? Dekha? I, Me, Myself ka chakkar hai! A recent study proved that cent percent men are unfaithful while only 15 per cent women are disloyal in a relationship. I think I read this in a wildlife magazine.

And men, when caught, come up with some bizarre explanations, which could make for superhit screenplays. Example: In the ’70s, this one actor was caught red-handed in a hotel room with a starlet by his wife. He shut the door on her and later when he went back home, he behaved as if nothing happened. And when the wife was packing her stuff to leave the house, he called a doctor to sedate her claiming that she was having fits and imagining things. Till date, they are ‘happily’ married.

Perhaps the most unique, original and successful pick-up line I’ve heard a friend of mine use on a girl was — “If you’re with me, you will be sad and happy both, as I’m lower middle class. I won’t be able to buy you expensive stuff and that will make you sad. Because I am lower middle class. But you will still be very happy as my lower middle is class!!!” She actually fell for it, only to realise that all the talk of class was actually crass because she needed a magnifying glass.

To sum it up, I would like to quote a friend of mine on behalf of all single guys. Hum hain raahi pyar ke, hum se kuch na boliye.. Jo bhi pyar se mila, hum usi ke saath so liye... oh sorry, sorry sorry.. ho liye!