Celebrity Column | Shirishly Speaking: Shirish Kunder is the agony uncle you never saw coming!

I spend an hour watching a woman park her car

Dear Shirish,
Due to a space crunch, our building has a strange parking arrangement. Two cars have to be parked one behind the other in a narrow space. This is okay for those who have two cars, but for those with one car, we have to coordinate with the other car owner every time we want to park our car. Unfortunately for me, my parking neighbour is a woman, and she takes 15-20 minutes each time she parks her car. I have to waste one hour everyday watching her park. How do I deal with this?
- Chetan

Dear Chetan,
Make the most of it. Think of it as a free one-hour class of Art of Living. Nothing teaches you patience like fishing, watching a plant grow, and watching a woman park her car. Om shanti, shanti, shanti…

Can’t do anything about hot guy in office...

Dear Shirish,
A really hot guy has just joined our office. But our office has this stupid policy of ‘No office romance’. And so, I can’t make my move. Going to office, watching him everyday, and not being able to do anything is getting really really frustrating. Any way out around this?
- Office Lover

Dear Office Lover,
First, get him fired. Then, make your move.

What use are men anymore?

Dear Shirish,
After all my failed relationships with men, I’m completely disillusioned with men. Women are much better emotional partners, and now, I’ve begun to enjoy them physically, too. I’ve also read that soon women can have babies without men. So can you please explain to me — what is the use of men anymore? Why do they even exist?
- Ronita

Dear Ronita,
To unite women. Nothing bonds women better than finding out they hate the same people.

Charge for astrology advice?

Dear Shirish,
People in my office always come to me to know about their future because I know astrology. But since I don’t intend to make any money out of it, I never charge them for my advice. I always give my service for free. But recently, when I was in urgent need of money, and approached the same people for a loan, they all ignored me. Should I stop my free service and start charging for it?
- Part-time Astrologer

Dear Part-time Astrologer,
Such is life. But if it’s any consolation, you’re in good company. Even Wikipedia gives service for free, but when it requests money, everyone ignores it. I’m mailing you my advice in private. Don’t want Wikipedia to start doing the same.

Fairness cream cheated me!

Dear Shirish,
Everyone teased me for being dusky, so I wanted to be fair. With so much hope, I bought the fairness cream that my favourite actor endorses. It’s been two years since I’ve been using it, and there’s absolutely no improvement at all. I feel so cheated. What should I do?
- Dusky Girl

Dear Dusky Girl,
Never again buy any product that your favourite actor endorses.