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| Edited By: Ayushmann Khurrana |Source: DNA |Updated: Jan 30, 2017, 06:05 AM IST
So this happens to be my debut in this space. Don’t expect my articles to be award-winning as I don’t own this space as such, but I am in love with this medium.
Blame it on this ritual of reading papers, circling difficult words and then opening an age-old thesaurus (the weight of said thesaurus must’ve been more than the mountain on which the sanjeevani booti grew!), looking for synonyms, etc. Now, this was forced on me by my meticulous father. Or blame it on this ritual of finding (or perhaps, losing) myself in the newspapers. It has eventually transcended into a spiritual experience for me and today, I genuinely seek to gain new perspectives.
I like the traditional feel of paper, I still like the tangible element of it, though I am quite active in the virtual world. I feel love is best expressed when it’s felt, which is why I am still a sucker for hand-written notes. So, what have I got here to tell you that you already don’t know? Nothing.
So why am I here? Well, I am going to explore this space purely for selfish reasons. I feel we all have dimensions to our personality and a few ways of discovering them is perhaps via travelling, talking to strangers who don’t have preconceived notions and judgements about you and reading, but I am going to be writing here and exploring myself. Somehow, this world has become such that your every thought, move or action is oriented towards getting validation.
I have no qualms in saying that I, too, belong to this category. I would be lying if I say that I don’t think about what to tweet at least 10 times before I actually do and then checking and rechecking time and again for validation. But this time round, it’s a forced, conscious effort to let myself loose. If I sound silly, lame and ‘oh-not-so-intellectual’, it’s fine, I don’t need validation; at least, that’s what I am trying to do.
So let me put a question to myself today: What’s my purpose in life? Is it just to become an actor? A good actor, maybe? A singer? Let me massage my ego by further saying it is to become an artist. An artist who wants to have this persona of being intellectual, wise and honest. The same parameters fail miserably when it comes to numbers and stocks, when it comes to signing my own films and when it comes to giving an honest feedback after a screening. Who am I? A husband, who perhaps tells his wife, she is the prettiest, when, of course, she herself bullsh**s it. What is my motive? To do good cinema that predominantly has me in the script. What’s my take? To feel miserable, sitting in a sh**ty screening, but having the biggest grin after stepping out in front of the cameras and throwing words and jargon of appreciation, courtesy thesaurus, at the actors and the team behind that disaster. What do I expect? To have signed a shi**y movie and done a terrible job yet after exiting my own screening and being on the other end, expecting genuine praises.
Like honestly! What’s my purpose again? That and much more randomness is what I am going to try and discover in this space. As of now, I can just figure it’s more about being the mouse sitting on the hickory-dickory clock’s pendulum oscillating between a bunch of lies and trying to figure the other side.
