DNA CELEBRITY COLUMN | Shirishly Speaking: Shirish Kunder is the agony uncle you never saw coming...

Bharose ki Biwi

Dear Shirish,
I have been a casanova all my life, but now I think it is time for me to get married. Although I have had many flings, I have three steady girlfriends — a lawyer, a hairstylist, and a fashion designer. But all my girlfriends are equally beautiful, and so I’m not able to decide which one to marry. Since marriage is more about trust, I guess that should be the deciding factor. I cannot trust a lawyer since they always lie; so the first one is out of the question. Out of the other two, who do you think can I trust more as a wife — a hairstylist or a fashion designer?
— Casanova

Dear Casanova,
A hairstylist always talks behind your back; so can’t be trusted. And everything a fashion designer does is fabricated, so can’t be trusted as well. Marry a dog.

Act like a tycoon

Dear Shirish,
For the first time in my life, due to a family emergency, I had taken a small loan from a bank. But now, I have no money to repay it. I feel very bad about it and have not been able to sleep peacefully ever since. But bank agents have now been calling me to repay the loan and threatening me of dire consequences. I’m in very big trouble. What should I do?
— Common Man

Dear Common Man,
Take a second loan (by whatever means possible), and repay the first one. Then take a third, and repay the second. Every time, keep taking bigger and bigger loans. After a point, the loans will no longer be your problem; it’ll be the problem of the banks. And now that a lot of powerful asses are on the line, they’ll also work to protect you.

Fraud Baba

Dear Shirish,
A very dear friend of mine and his entire family are die-hard bhakts of a famous religious baba. I always suspected that the baba is a fraud, but now it’s got confirmed, when the baba told them that for a certain fee, he can get them the election ticket for the ruling political party. What kind of a religious guru gets involved in such materialistic things? When I tried to warn my friend that their baba is a fraud, he took offense and has stopped talking to me. Even his family has stopped talking to me. Did I do anything wrong?
— Rational Man

Dear Rational Man,
Not at all. But never hurt anyone’s religious sentiments. People may forgive you if their logic is challenged, but will never forgive you if their blind faith is challenged.

How to look young?

Dear Shirish,
I just saw your picture that you recently posted on Twitter, and was mighty impressed. You don’t look like a father of three children at all. I also want to look young like you. What is the secret of your young looks?
— Poonam

Dear Poonam,
Post old pictures.