Soon, special force armed only with Mumbai spirit

Impressed with the Mumbai spirit of resilience and never-say-die attitude of its residents, the government is planning to constitute a special police force that would be armed with nothing but the Mumbai spirit.

This force will be able to fight terror before and after any terrorist strike in the city and frustrate the nefarious designs of the terrorists, government sources claimed.

“Terrorists are cowards who indulge in dastardly acts such as planting a bomb in crowded places with no concrete security system like CCTV,” home minister P Chidambaram said, revealing shocking details about the psyche of terrorists who have been targeting the financial capital of India again and again using the ‘advantage of surprise’ in the most dishonest manner.

“We have psycho-analysed the terrorists in our captivity and also analysed all the previous instances of terrorist attacks in the city and aftermaths,” the home minister added, informing about the corrective measures taken, “Our intelligence inputs suggest that terrorists are frustrated by the Mumbai spirit.”

Chidambaram, however, couldn’t furnish any empirical data to back his claims but cited numerous instances of social commentary that reiterated that the Mumbai spirit has never been defeated by any act of terror. The city lives on. Vibrantly.

The government reportedly has already finalised the plan and the special force of 500 personnel armed with the Mumbai spirit could be set up as early as by this month end. This is in addition to the NSG hub that was created in Mumbai after 26/11 attacks.

“The special forces will be out in streets issuing reassuring statements about the Mumbai spirit immediately after any act of terror,” Maharashtra home minister R R Patil said, explaining the functioning of the special force.

“There would be no need for people like us to issue any statements thereafter,” he added, dwelling upon the benefits of having such a force.

Apart from issuing statements celebrating the Mumbai spirit, the proposed special force will also light candles and show the ‘brighter’ aspects of life and the city (such as multiplexes and party hubs) to the terror-stricken residents — something that will give a deadly blow to the terrorists.

“We will defeat terrorism with the Mumbai spirit,” a government official informed, divulging the foolproof strategy to counter terrorism. “We can tackle 100% of the terror attacks with help of these forces,” he added.

Rahul Roushan thinks he can make some sense through nonsense. He attempts the same through his news satire website www.fakingnews.com