Govt to relocate corrupt people after Anna’s Quit India call

After social activist Anna Hazare’s ‘second freedom movement’ to get rid of corruption from India got massive public support, the government has initiated talks with the corrupt for a smooth and safe exit from India, as was done with British nationals when they left India following the first freedom movement.

The government has constituted an ‘empowered group of corrupt persons’ (EGCP) who would work closely with a group of government representatives to draw an exit route and plan.

“We don’t want to leave this country; we are also a part of the Indian culture and social system,” Sharad Raja, the chairman of the EGCP told Faking News, “But if fellow Indians want us to leave this country, they should at least make alternative arrangements for us.”

Mr Raja claimed that relocation to places like Tihar Jail was ‘out of question’ as Tihar was a part of India. “They have asked corruption to quit India, so going to jail is not the solution,” he said.

Sources inform that the corrupt people representing corruption were initially lobbying for a “personal law” for themselves because corruption was a way of life, almost a religion, for them.
 

“They wanted to be out of the purview of the proposed Lokpal Bill, but we realised that it can’t work, so we started talks on their relocation,” Union Law Minister Salman Khursheed said.

It is not yet clear where the corrupt will go; and their numbers are estimated to be running in the millions.

“England has refused to take them in, arguing that they were not responsible for giving birth to any of them, while Pakistan, where the opposition wanted the corrupt people to go, asked for a similar favour from us,” informed Mr Khursheed.

“Switzerland, where their money is supposed to be lying safe, too doesn’t want them,” the minister revealed.

Apart from the huge numbers of corrupt people, the government is also facing a crisis in relocating them as it could cause the rest of the system to collapse.

“They are everywhere — in government organisations, private sector, bureaucracy, police, NGOs, judiciary, journalism… almost in every sector and in sizeable numbers and many of them in important positions. If we banish all of them, those left might be overburdened and the system could collapse,” feared a government representative involved in the talks.

Meanwhile, Tihar jail authorities said they foiled an attempt by Suresh Kalmadi and A Raja to slip out of jail disguised as anti-corruption activists. Both wore white caps and had their face covered with white towels, but were apprehended before they could escape.

As jail authorities prepared to release Hazare and his supporters, they grew suspicious about the body language of two people. Upon close inspection, authorities found out that they were Kalmadi and Raja, wearing Gandhi topis, with their faces covered, and shouting slogans to remove corruption from India.

“While they were among the loudest, their hands were trembling as they punched their fists in the air while shouting slogans,” Tihar jail DGP said.

Jail sources said the leaders lured two anti-corruption activists with delicious food as both of them were on hunger strike since Monday and stole their clothes after gagging and tying them up.

“They trusted the leaders because they were hungry,” said an official.

Rahul Roushan thinks he can make some sense through nonsense. He attempts the same through his news satire website www.fakingnews.com