Faking News: Mulayam Singh Yadav to lead India at UN on Lanka vote

Impressed with his impeccable ambivalence on political and diplomatic issues, the central government has decided to send Samajwadi Party chief Mulayam Singh Yadav to the United Nations whenever a resolution critical of Sri Lanka is put to vote.

“We don’t want to offend Tamil groups, and at the same time we don’t want to offend Sri Lanka. Frankly, we have absolutely no idea what to do, so we have asked Mulayam Singh ji to help us and show us the way out,” external affairs minister Salman Khurshid told Faking News.

Khurshid is confident that the SP chief will use all his experience in saying-one-thing-and-doing-another and come up with a solution that confuses everyone over the fact of the matter.

“We were especially impressed with what he did in the vote over FDI in retail,” Khurshid recalled, “That’s precisely the kind of strategy we need to adopt when dealing with this Sri Lanka vs Tamil issue. We don’t want to reinvent the wheel, so we have asked Netaji to represent India at the UN.”

“You know, saanp bhi mar jaaye aur laathi bhi na toote,” Khurshid added.
Sources say the government is trying to convince the former wrestler and former chief minister of Uttar Pradesh, who is weighing his options closely.

“Netaji won’t do it pro bono. He’s trying to work out a good deal,” a close aide of Mulayam Singh Yadav said. “Of course, some clauses related to the CBI will be there, but he’s aiming higher; something like the union government declaring every victim of crime in Uttar Pradesh as ‘braveheart’ and a special fund for compensations.”

“Something like a Raja Bhaiya fund, but not exactly named so,” the source explained.
The Samajwadi Party is confident that the central government will agree to the demands but by them as this is not the first time Mulayam Singh Yadav could come to the rescue of the government.

“Sri Lanka is not the only puzzle to be solved, next could be Bangladesh which is experiencing domestic unrest. You never know what stand Mamata Banerjee takes on this issue. The only person who can confuse and counter Mamata di is Netaji,” an SP leader said while drawing attention to what happened during the Presidential elections, where Mulayam Singh Yadav trumped Mamata Banerjee on supporting APJ Abdul Kalam.

Sources hint that the UPA government could accept most of the demands put up by Mulayam Singh Yadav as the resolution against Sri Lanka could be taken up soon at the UN Human Rights Council (UNHRC) in Geneva.

“We hope he does something magical. Say criticising Sri Lanka and then walking out when voting comes up,” Khurshid said. “The best thing about him is that even if he ends up reading up a Portuguese speech on the resolution, no one will notice it.”