Is marriage the main cause of divorce?

From the time a couple gets married, there is always a probability of a divorce. A marriage can't be divorce-proof. Definitely one can work towards making it one. But, the big question is, how? Before coming to this answer, let's talk about some of the distorted thoughts that couples commonly adapt to in a marriage. Such thoughts certainly create hindrance to a relationship.

• Couples don't realize that a marriage/relationship is like a ticking bomb. If they don't work towards it, it could be dangerous.
   
• Some hope it would automatically get better with time.
   
• Some presume it is getting better without actually being aware of the partner's actual or real feelings towards them.
   
• Some are aware of the problems they face but are not clear about the intensity of it.
   
• A few become complacent and learn to live with it. They get too used to the familiarity to trade it off for anything else.
   
• Some partners continuously play the blame game – be it with their partner, themselves, children, circumstance, health etc.
   
• When it starts getting inflicted with conflicts, of which couples have no clue as to how to deal with it, can become painful. Some suffer quietly, while others are vocal about it. When this suffering continues over a period of time, it can drain one emotionally.

All relationships have a great start, but end up in the same place. A beautiful common past of love and passion doesn't guarantee the permanence of these feelings. The biggest fallacy most couples make is concentrating only on remaining married. This standalone goal cannot be achieved by itself. But striving towards feeling passionate, alive and free in one's marriage is what makes it work. It is an ideal marriage when one can be one's self. It is also healthy to expect problems in a relationship. And these problems are simply the indicators that some changes are needed. Once couples have the necessary tools and skills of how to become a team and solve problems together, everything can be dealt with effectively for life. It's just about the right approach.

After all the major cause of a divorce may be a marriage, but there are reasons galore for a marriage – the odds are one against many. All probability of a marriage winning hands down!!!!

Relationship and couples therapist. Helps couples and individuals deal with their relationship problems effectively
sagarika@thoughtcounsel.com