Accepting differences can avoid differences

Men and women are wired differently. The first thing to understand; a fundamental fact to recognize and follow - explicitly in relationships. For example, men can never understand why women always rake up the past. Men on the other hand are very good at letting go of their past. Women are usually quicker to get over a fight (till they bring it up again in the future), while men take time to come to terms with what happened. Men withdraw more than women. The cooling period is a part of their process to deal with things. Again, men and women are not on the same page when they hear what the other is saying. Individual words are taken at face value without considering the deeper meanings behind them. Expectations regarding what a marriage should be like are also different. While they both seek happiness, the journey to it is totally different.

I want my readers to accept that your partner is not like you at all. It is extremely important to understand these differences if you want an intimate relationship for life. Most couples don't realize and thus kill the passion in their relationship, keeping only a certain level of connect alive. A relationship without passion is like a human without a heart and feelings. Feeding a relationship, the right food can keep it healthy and alive, while the wrong food can act like toxins and become relationship killers. These include being your partner's judge, making your partner wrong, making assumptions about your partner and who they are, being highly critical of them, holding your partner responsible for what you feel, withdrawing from your partner and trying to mind-read what your partner thinks.

These actions can have a very negative impact on the marriage, if practiced for too long. So, if you want to regain the lost passion in your relationship, you must free your partner to be themselves and help them connect to the energy within them to help them see you as attractive again. You cannot control love and passion in a relationship for it only grows and thrives when it's free. How do you let your partner be themselves? By accepting the way, they are – all the good and the bad. Trying to change your partner will only cause resistance. The gist - the urge to control, you must resist, I insist.

Relationship and couples therapist. Helps couples and individuals deal with their relationship problems effectively
sagarika@thoughtcounsel.com