How to (not) talk to a woman who is wearing headphones

An article surfaced on the Internet on a blog called "The Modern Man", which has caused some outrage and not without reason. The article by Dan Bacon, titled 'How to Talk to a Woman Who is Wearing Headphones', is a scripted guide on how one should speak to a woman who has her headphones on.

It lists the rules that a guy should abide by if he has the intention of talking to a woman who has her headphones on; whether the woman really cares for a conversation or not. 

Before we debunk this theory with each point that Dan has made, it is necessary to understand the premise of the article.

There is a sentence at the beginning: "...if a woman wearing headphones is single and hoping to meet a boyfriend (or even a new lover), she will usually be happy to take off her headphones to give you an opportunity to create a spark with her." 

The entire article is full of dog-whistle sexism while really pushing across its one message— if you get a 'no', keep pushing until it's a 'yes'. What the woman wants has, of course, got to be in the direction that the symbolic 'man' dictates, or as the article subtly puts, negotiates.

Let's not digress too far. Coming back to Mr. Bacon's 'guidelines', here is what you should do to get her attention (besides being in her face) :

1. Stand in front of her (with 1 to 1.5 metres between you).

2. Have a confident, easy-going smile.

3. If she hasn’t already looked up at you, simply get her attention with a wave of your hand. Wave your hand in her direct line of vision so she can see it and say, “Hey, how’s it going?” She most likely won’t hear you say that, but it’s just a way of showing her that you’re trying to talk to her.

4. When she looks at you and gives you her attention, smile, point to her headphones and confidently ask, “Can you take off your headphones for a minute?” as you pretend to be taking headphones off your head, so she fully understands what you mean.

If she doesn’t understand that you want her to briefly take off her headphones, simply gesture that you want to talk to her by pointing back and forth from you to her and say, “I want to talk to you for a minute.”

Do have that "confident, easy-going smile' because when a stranger pulls up to you abruptly with a smile, it is not creepy at all. Also, when she has not noticed you smiling at 1 metre's distance or waving your hand at her, what you're demonstrating is not the dictionary definition of intrusive. No, not at all.

Now, this is crucial. When she doesn't acknowledge you asking her to take the headphones off, don't be discouraged. Like it has been previously mentioned, a 'no' can always be a 'yes', with persuasion.

Sounds off-the-hook sexist, doesn't it? Thoroughly patronising and objectifying a gender that can apparently be decoded by a set of rules. Because, why not? It's not like she can genuinely not be interested in talking to a stranger who suddenly appears out of nowhere with menacing enthusiasm.

Now that the man from Dan's story has successfully invaded the woman's force-field, there is a conjecture of how the following conversation might go. It is difficult to fathom how obtuse it even is. It is followed by the explanation of some common mistakes that guys make when talking to a woman. While all of the points made are completely nonsensical, with rampant stereotyping of both the sexes, one especially is too conspicuous to not be mentioned.

"#2 Giving up too easily" is one that needs no further explanation. Which from the word 'go' assumes that the woman in question does not have the right choose or ignore because if she does, that is a sign for you to push forth and seek victory.

Through the murk that Internet has turned to of late, the grime that it belches often seems too unbearable to handle. But when it churns out stuff like this, it becomes a little too difficult to just simply laugh it off. When a writer puts forward a directive, he/she is entirely responsible for the message put across. And when the message is one so sexist, laughing it off just trivialises serious problems women face in public spaces.