Rainbow Guru: I recently came out of the closet to my mother, but I don’t know how to tell my dad?

I recently came out of the closet to my mother, but I don’t know how to tell my dad. My mother suggests we keep quiet about it, as she has accepted me without any fuss. We are both very scared of our dad because he has been physically abusive towards us in the past. The last episode was years ago, but we are very scared.

It’s absolutely wonderful that your mother accepts you just the way you are. As for your father, you have to make sure he is not abusive towards you, your mother or your sibling — regardless of gender, orientation or any other dimension and characteristic of your being! You could ask him to take anger management sessions and/or seek a professional counsellor who can help him deal with stress in a positive way. 

He might be stressed about something completely different, but ‘displacing’ that anger onto you guys. 

That is not cool and you need to help him with this issue first.

You can start with a subtle approach — talk about LGBT-related articles, columns, movies or TV series (Netflix zindabad, btw). This may warm him up for dialogue when you and your mother are ready. 

He may be a very accepting dad, if and when you come out. Give him a chance and help him just like you would want that chance to be loved and accepted unconditionally. 

Big hugs to all of you. An extra one for mum. Tell her to chill. You can’t go back into the closet. Not now!

SPEAK UP

Write to him at sexualitydna@gmail.com

(Psychologist and performer, Mr Gay World India 2014 Sushant Divgikar is your counsellor, guide and conscience through the choppy waters of sexuality)