'We worry about the future'

Lovleen Misra

The fact that I had a baby at age 38 had more to do with my marrying late than for furthering my career. I was always clear that I wanted a child.

The doctors warned us about the risks of a late pregnancy and we had prepared ourselves for any eventuality. Those nine months were filled with fear and trepidation. We agonised over every decision — professional and personal — to make sure everything was absolutely right.

My life has changed considerably since my son was born six months ago. I no longer work late hours, for one. My husband and I have cut down on our socialising, and skip projects that will take up too much of our time. Sometimes I feel like life is passing me by and wonder if I’ll get the same career opportunities again.
 
I think things would have been different if I’d had my son sooner. He is still bed-bound so I don’t have to do any running around yet, but in a few years — when he’s running, jumping, and climbing — it may be difficult for me to keep up. I am nearing 40, a time when people start developing health problems.

My husband and I have also realised that we will have to work for many more years to come. Unlike others, who could retire in their 50s, we will have our son to provide for. This is doubly important for us because we are both freelancers [Misra is an actress and her husband is a sound designer] and have no fixed income.

There’s another thing that has us worried. When the time comes for our son to join college and make important career decisions, we are afraid we may not be physically up to helping him. But we try not to think about it as there is no point fretting. All said and done, having a baby is the most wonderful feeling to experience.

The bottom line is that different people have different problems. I have seen several younger women go through complicated high-risk pregnancies while women in my age group have sailed through childbirth. As for raising kids, both young and old couples make mistakes. The difference is that if you’re an older parent you may not have the chance to correct any mistakes while raising a second child.

People often ask us if we would like to have another baby. A few years ago, we may have wanted to, especially a baby girl. But with me pushing 40 and my husband already there, having another child would not be fair to everyone involved.

Lovleen Misra, 38, is a television and theatre actress. She spoke to Sanghamitra Bhowmik