Families go beyond the ideal biological structures when people living in them feel they don't fit in the normative definition. The LGBT community, same-sex couples and even the hijra community define family on their own terms. At the TISS conference on changing families, 'Families of Choice' saw various presentations, defying the accepted definition of such units.
Talking about their collective research on the hijra community, through their presentation 'Families they choose: Examining the Hijra Family and Relations', Aarushi Sharma and Asmita Aasavari spoke about their findings.
“The ideal family structure revolves around procreation, parenthood, marriage and alliance, and the hijra community represents the non-normative family. Their relation is based on the kinship shared between the guru and chela, where the guru sponsors chelas, who are then accepted into the community. The whole emotional and economic identity of chelas comes from the guru,” said Sharma, who did her masters from Delhi School of Economics.
She said procreation was not fundamental to these families and they were divided on the basis of gharanas or descent groups. “Mumbai-based hijras come from Lashkarvale, Punevale, Bhindi Bazaar and other gharanas, whereas Delhi hijras descend from Sujan, Rai, Mandi etc. The guru is considered as a mother-in-law and chelas often observe Karva Chauth for their gurus, putting them in the husband space. Their relationships are fluid. Sanctions are imposed on people not observing the norms and rules of their space or 'dera',” she added.
Sharma also said more and more educated hijras are opting for community-based organisations and NGOs, where they choose their gurus from workspace instead of the other way around as they find the families limiting when it comes to the kind of work they are allowed to do, clothes they wish to wear and the hours they want to work.
Aasaavari, who is from Delhi, did independent research in Mumbai on hijra gharanas. “The Mumbai-based gharanas have more freedom than north Indian ones. They may permit sex work, whereas even a mention of sex is considered taboo in the northern gharanas. They may indulge in sex work as a means to an end, but the community is sacrosanct and considers itself religious. West and East Indian communities are more accepting of lifestyle, friendship and sex preferences than others,” she said.
TISS research scholar Kumar Kunal Jha conducted a study in Mumbai, Hyderabad and Kolkata on the perception of marriage in the LGBT community and the meaning of family for its members. “We had 21 respondents, which included gay couples living as a family for 13 years. There was a lesbian and transgender couple living together for seven years,” said Jha.
“In our findings, most queer couples think of marriage as a way of legitimising their relationship, but as a concept, it's not that important. Role play, where the roles of husband and wife are assigned, too isn't important, but they felt that they were playing one of the roles most times in their relationship. A majority wanted a monogamous relationship but did not mind other members being polygamous. They filled the void in their lives by adopting pets.”
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