Why women should make the first move...

The rules of the dating game have changed and if you are a woman who is willing to throw in your dice first, you could walk away a winner. At least, that’s what the findings of a new survey reveal. Conducted by The League, an invite-only dating app, it discovered that one out of three successful heterosexual couples were started by the woman messaging first.

Uncovering the secrets to finding love online...

The desire to unravel secrets from the world of romance led to The League to analyse data from 100 successful couples who had found love on the app. And contrary to popular advice that considers women making the first move as taboo, throwing in your hat and going with your instincts can actually spell success in the dating game. The findings revealed that women can increase their odds at finding love by making the first move.  So should women ditch the dating rules and move with the times? We asked experts for their take on it.

Weigh in the risks

Psychiatrist Dr Hemant Mittal believes there’s no clear cut route to relationship success and one has to weigh in the risks and act according to the circumstance and the person they are dealing with, which may vary from person to person. He says, “How you measure a successful relationship is completely subjective. For some it’s about love culminating into marriage for others it’s simply about being happy in the moment. Looking at the findings from an Indian context, there is no guarantee that making the first move will always work in your favour. However, having said that one can’t deny that it is no longer taboo for women to make the first move in a romantic relationship. Men are more open to a woman approaching them as it’s better than being ‘friend zoned’, but making the first move also means being open to rejection. This can be a double-edged sword.” And it’s not just rejection that comes into play, there’s also society judging them for being too forward.

Breaking away from set norms has its consequences

If you choose not to follow the crowd, you have to make your own path and that may or may not work for you. Clinical psychologist Seema Hingorrany says while men are gradually opening up to the idea of women making the first move and asking them out, women have to mentally prepare themselves for the fallout for daring to break away from set norms. She adds, “The idea of women making the first move, is slowly and gradually getting accepted in India. And to a large extent, the credit goes to dating apps and portals who have created a level playing field, giving both sides a platform to speak up and voice their opinions. However, as nice as that sounds on paper, women have to also be prepared to be judged for daring to make the first move. Mature men have the wisdom not to judge them for their actions but not everyone has that sensibility. Also, some men are very uncomfortable about women approaching them as their belief system and deep rooted conditioning is that it’s not healthy to be proposed to by women. This belief system might take time to change.”

In the meantime, the numbers are something to cheer about, bolstering the hope that someday, women can just be and not have to over-think their actions. In the meantime, do what you feel, follow your instincts, weigh in the risks and call the shots after taking a calculated risk.