Too much of a good thing?

Check out a friendly neighbourhood store or log on to an easily accessible website and you will find that props that were once hard to source and expensive to buy— the sorts aimed at pumping fun and imagination into the bedroom—have now become almost effortless to find and keep. Whips. Check. Edible body paint with brushes to paint over your lover’s body masquerading as a canvas. Check. Naughty games, costume lingerie for role play, manuals on how to do it better. Check, check, check. All this while your bank balance continues to smile.  Is there something called too much of a good thing when it comes to matters that lie between the sheets? And is a fetish to be indulged?

Preference v/s a fetish
“What you prefer goes on to becoming a fetish when it is used exclusively for sexual performance and satisfaction,” says clinical psychologist and counsellor Varkha Chulani. A fetish can be a body part or an object that you are obsessively fixated with. “If you can’t perform without that one particular thing, it is a fetish. There is nothing wrong with experimenting, but a fetish, usually born out of anxiety and the belief that you can’t do without that one thing, is unhealthy. Imagine eating only potatoes for the rest of your life!”

Charmed?
The word fetish originally meant ‘charm’, and it originates from the 15th century Portuguese word feitico, which means false power, object or charm. It was only much later that the word took on some other meaning that today goes to imply something beyond what is considered normal. Before you ask, “What is normal nowadays, anyway?”, know that a fetish can range from mild to extreme, and affects the other person in the relationship as well. “For example, if you like purple lingerie, it’s fine,” explains Chulani. “But if you require purple lingerie to get excited, it’s a problem.” So how does one exactly ensure that they continue infusing imagination into their bedroom without worrying about it crossing the line to becoming a fixation? “When non-performance without the source of the fetish takes place, you know you have a problem,” says Siya Malhotra, a marriage counsellor. “We all have preferences but when the fetish becomes more important than the opposite person, you are headed for trouble. Some people embrace their fetishes while others might need professional help to overcome them, and lead a healthy sex life.”

She adds, “It is okay to get kinky or indulge a preference as long as it doesn’t get in the way of your daily life. Talk about it. As long as you are communicative and safe, your fetish or preference, is yours to explore and enjoy as long as your partner enjoys it as much.”