Reasons why men and women lie online

The image of fictional character Pinocchio’s short nose getting longer in stressful situations especially when lying is a childhood memory that adults who have grown up reading children’s literature will connect with instantly. And while the animated toon has been relegated to kids’ books, his trait of telling lies finds takers even today especially online. 

In fact, according to a recent survey of 3,000 adults, by Vouchercodespro.co.uk, nearly half the men asked have lied about their job or salary in order to improve their chances at finding love; meanwhile almost half of women lied about their weight or body shape.

Just another white lie?
Chinmay Sagar, a financial analyst says, “People tend to lie to impress someone they are interested in. Some do it out of habit, while others simply want to get noticed, and end up projecting an image that is far away from reality.” He adds, “Me and my friends have often told white lies while interacting with a potential date.

While some of us have lied about our appearances, others have fabricated stories about being sought after by many girls. While luckily for us no one has really got hurt because of this. It has helped us break the ice with strangers online.”

So why is it that both men and women fabricate facts while in a virtual space?
The intention of projecting a certain type of image is to attract others to one’s profile. This may be true for social network/ dating/ matrimonial sites. They may feel that they are not desirable unless they hype a few details about themselves.

This could be an indication of low self-worth or confidence. Also, people may think that ‘we are never going to meet, so it is okay’ or ‘who is going to find out?’ At times, out of our need/tendency to exaggerate or magnify our qualities, we end up sharing incorrect facts about us to others.

Sometimes people upload false information about themselves as a way of feeling good about themselves. It may provide an opportunity to be someone whom you have always wanted to be.

At times, a person may also be a compulsive liar and may not be able to help fake information about him/herself.

Also, they may excuse themselves by saying that it is not going to harm anyone and that these are only white lies. A positive response from someone after adding ‘charming’ lines about oneself, encourages one to continue doing the same.

So how far should you stretch the truth?
Varkha Chulani, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, says, “You know you have crossed the line when one grossly overstates and fools himself/herself. A little bit of padding — example saying I am 5 feet 3 inches tall when actually you are 5 feet 2 is rarely going to get you into trouble.

But if you say that you are a post graduate when you have just about scraped through the 12th is another matter altogether.” Dr Sanjoy Mukerji, relationship and marriage counsellor adds, “There are varied reasons why people lie online. While some do it to flirt, others take advantage of being anonymous to help them create an illusion of their personality.”

Faking it is not always advisable
Psychiatrist Anjali Chhabria adds, “Avoid faking it or giving out completely contradictory information. It is important to keep this tendency in check and better not to lie. Also, if you are communicating online, beware that people fake profiles. So, you must be very careful while interacting with strangers.

Youngsters should be more careful as they tend to get easily intrigued easily by looking at a ‘overwhelmingly nice’ profile or when someone very desirable sends a request to them. We must not get carried away and act sensibly. It is also essential to deal with one’s own self-esteem issues without depending on others.”

Should you lie at all?
Dr Sanjoy says, “While it’s better not to, this also depends on what the individual’s motivations and intentions are. Some manipulate the truth to save a relationship, some lie about their past because they believe the past is no longer important.

However, one shouldn’t ignore the fact that a lie might get exposed at some point and may cause damage to the relationship. It’s better to be upfront. Try and explain what happened at the right time,