Kashish Film Festival: Parents speak up about how they learnt to accept their children's sexual orientation

"I went to gay bars to understand the subject. Also, my boys reached out to not only to my husband and I but also helped other young boys make peace with their orientation and come out to their families,” said Nargis Wadia. "As parents, we can stand up and say we don’t care if there is (Section) 377 or not, our sons are not going to be criminalised."

Wadia was speaking about her son Roy, who has been with his Chinese partner for 28 years, to a packed house at Mumbai’s iconic Liberty Cinema on Saturday at the Kashish Film Festival (KFF). She is part of India’s first support group of parents of LGBTQ persons founded by Solaris Pictures, as an offshoot activity for their mainstream film Evening Shadows directed by KFF co-founder Sridhar Rangayan. “If a parent needs guidance, Sridhar will direct them to one of us based on who is free or geographically closer and also has the right linguistics skills – I can speak English and Gujarati, not Hindi,” said Wadia. 

Social development consultants Alpana Dange and Pallav Patankar moderated the session that had five parents of LGBTQ persons talk passionately about how acceptance and inclusion begins at home, and how the group was there to help parents of LGBTQ persons who struggle and fear social stigmatisation.

Pradeep Digvikar, father of Mr India 2015 Sushant Digvikar, spoke about accepting his son’s social and sexual orientation with one hug. "I decided to be a part of this group because it is the need of the hour. I see more and more parents coming forward. Given the fact that Section 377 still exists, unconditional love is what I’m going to keep giving my son."

Mumbai-based gay rights’ activist Harish Iyer’s mother, Padma, a group member, spoke about how she didn’t want her whole family to know about her son’s orientation. "But then slowly I came out of my closet when I saw my son happy. So if I can come out and speak on the stage, so can others. We are here to help." 

While Iyer opted for a demure stance of being confident and open, yet careful and private about Section 377, Digvikar is the eternal optimist. "If we get public to really support this bill and can get the ruling dispensation at the Centre to pass a law, we will succeed. I know it looks very difficult but things are not impossible," he said.

In the audience, Mona Belleau, a bisexual Inuk LGBTQIA+ activist from Iqalui, Canada, wondered why parents of lesbians were underrepresented, which the group took note of.

Parmesh Shahani of Godrej Culture Lab interjected from the audience, pointing out that Mumbai-based transgender activist Gauri Sawant and the Vicks ad had given a different spin to LGBT individuals as parents.

The discussion was a prelude to the two-and-a-half minute trailer launch of Evening Shadows. The script, though written seven years ago, got a financial boost of Rs 10.5 lakh via crowd-funding and will see the light of day this year. The setting is a conservative south Indian family with a strict disciplinarian father, who demands his son marry and have kids at the 'right time'. Hell breaks loose when the son tells his mother he is gay, on a boat in the middle of a lake.

Playing a staunch patriarch resonated with actor Anant Mahadevan, who is a South Indian Brahmin from an orthodox family. "In South India, parents (of LGBTQ people) are more an exception than the rule. They have an ostrich mentality towards alternate sexuality in the family. It’s the entire family that refuses to come out of the closet. When this film releases, at least in south India, there will be a big rattle and roar as it will be an awakening for all that what need not be ostracised."  

Though actress Mona Ambegaonkar has played mother to a gay child on television and in theatre before, this role has a softer, questioning nature. "I kept asking Sridhar, why is she so nice? If she is the litmus then let her change that colour. Sometimes, I overpower the roles I’m supposed to play, but with Vasudha, I just surrendered. She’s that soft part to me that I had never been able to enjoy because I always chose the path that was less travelled," she said.