First meetings: Don't virtual stalk before a date

In the world of social media, the concept of privacy has almost disappeared. While the benefits are many, the virtual world we live in seems to be constantly taking away the simple pleasures of the real world.

Like a first date — which will never be the same as it used to because of what we do with technology — look up your date even before you’re actually gone out with them. The methodology varies — some favour LinkedIn; others, Twitter or blogs — but a good 48% of women research a guy on Facebook before the first date, according to a new Match.com survey of 5,481 singles. “It’s just so much easier to look up guys beforehand,” says Shannon, a marketing professional, adding, “At least you know what to expect when you meet him.”

Clinical psychologist Seema Hingoranny agrees, “A date should be impromptu, and not based on preconceived notions. Even one-two dates is too soon to judge a person as some people may be shy and not open up easily.” She says that the core personality of any person is only revealed on spending some time with them, and definitely not on the basis of what you see about them online.

“Pictures are deceptive and may also be dated. People change with time, and more often than not they change according to the person they are dating,” she adds. So leave some mystery for the face-to-face!

Why not to internet-stalk
You turn into a comparison shopper: Trolling online for intel can certainly help you avoid dates that were destined to go nowhere, but it may also lead you to pass over Prince Charming, experts say. You will shortlist based on superficial things and not give the person a chance to show you who they are. It’s almost impossible to tell if you will have a connection on the basis of online information alone.
You hijack the chemistry: In-person conversations allow you to take into account your date’s tone of voice, body language, and facial expression — and to open yourself up to things you might dismiss online. Determine if somebody is a potential mate by being together and looking into his eyes. In the throes of real attraction, you’re more willing to date a guy who doesn’t exactly match all your criteria but, as you get to know him, turns out to be the perfect long-term mate. Love makes you stupid for a good reason!
You get judgemental: The more you learn about someone, the harsher you may judge him. You make discover things that are part of his past (president of his fraternity etc), which may have no standing in his life now. Once you learn that one thing you don’t like about him, you tend to latch onto it, and find more things that you dislike. You can destroy the excitement if you think you know stuff about someone. It’s so much more fun to have your feelings for a person not be coloured by anything.

Here’s how not to kill the mystery
1. Try speed dating: It’s a choice between four minutes in front of each other or 20 hours of internet-stalking alone. You learn a lot more within minutes of conversation — whether you have a good rapport or sexual chemistry — you won’t know this even after hours on the computer.

2. Don’t be too quick to hit delete: Small turnoffs shouldn’t be deal breakers. However, do take note of serious issues as points of concern.

3. Google yourself: You’re not the only one internet-stalking, he might be too. Know what he’s finding out — and be reminded that not everyone is perfect.

4. Don’t expect Prince Charming: If you’ve already fallen for a guy through online clues before going on your first date, don’t be over excited. You could be disappointed, as the actual person may be very different.