Dangal proves toxic parenting is patriarchy's favourite Trojan horse

The applause is dying down and the whispers you hear are true: Dangal is not a feminist movie. A feminist movie acknowledges the will, desires personhood of its female characters. Dangal is an example of how toxic parenthood is patriarchy's favourite Trojan horse.

Tiger Dad Mahavir Singh Phogat uses physical and psychological abuse to bend his daughters to his will. Instead of focusing on how the daughters dealt with society and emerged as winners, Dangal showcases Mahavir's children's journey on his own ego trip.

"Dangal appears to pander to our consequentialist morality and says everything is okay as long as the ends justify the means," says counselling psychologist Deepak Kashyap who specialises in parent-child relationships and treating anxiety and depression. "It legitimises abusive and toxic parenting. Imagine this story with a different profession. Imagine daughters who wanted to become artists being forced to become doctors because daddy couldn't!"

This is particularly disturbing in India which, according to the World Health Organization (WHO), has the highest rate of suicide in the world, with 15-29 year olds most prone to ending their lives. Toxic and abusive parenting is deeply ingrained, legitimised and even idolised in our culture, consequence notwithstanding.

Kashyap also wonders, "Dangal is written by four men and narrated by a fifth, the girls' male cousin Omkar. Couldn't it be told through Babita's eyes?" While one doesn't need to be a woman in order to be a feminist, wouldn't it have been a stronger narrative if Geeta, Babita and even their mother Daya weren't relegated to doing the patriarch'sbidding? Instead, Geeta is an approval seeker who is happier to hear her father say "Shabbash" than she is about winning the gold.

Probably because wrestling and winning the gold was never her dream anyway.

The girls choose to become wrestlers because it is the lesser of two evils. Advocate and women's rights activist Kamayani Bali Mahabal asks, "In one scene, a young friend tells Geeta-Babita to be grateful that their father doesn't marry them off. The sisters realise how 'privileged' they are to not be married off at a young age. Why are girls made to feel that basic human rights are a privilege?"

There is also the deeply disconcerting message that being feminine is wrong and a woman must be masculine to succeed. "There's a wonderful brief segment where Geeta goes to buy clothes, watches and paints her nails; She sees a guy and smiles. But the film dismisses these as distractions instead of embracing them as desires," adds Mahabal. Communications professional Sunchika Panday wonders: "What's wrong with being feminine? Saina Nehwal is delightfully feminine and Sania Mirza is hot! Does that make them any less of a sportsperson?" Kashyap concurs, "The scene where his daughters's hair is chopped off forcibly is downright abusive! To erase a child's personality and gender is both physical and psychological abuse."

Dangal cloaks itself in nationalism to legitimise abuse. "This unholy matrimony of patriarchy and nationalism makes for a potent toxin, especially given the prevailing national climate where all debates end with soldiers at the border," says Kashyap.

Imagine if the Phogat sisters did not win gold. Who would have been responsible?