Chasing the same goal?

What women feel
Did you ever find it irrepressible to keep your eyes off your best friend’s boyfriend and stifle your feelings for him? It’s almost impossible for jealousy and competition to not creep in, in such a situation. Here’s what a few girls had to say on the issue...

  Dealing with it
Many believe that jealousy and love go hand in hand. But what folks need to realise is that while the guy chase might be a fun thing, it’s not at the cost of losing your hard-earned girl friend.

One is bound to be gripped by jealousy but it is this emotion that also stokes the cinders of malice and spite.
Puja Pednekar, 22, working with a media agency,
recalls how she and her best friend had fallen for the same guy in college. Puja reveals that she made sure she never left her friend and the guy alone and was always trying to compete with her friend in all matters. “‘I went green with envy and tried to look better than my friend. I even gave her some disaster fashion tips once,” she laughs. She admits, “It all seems kiddish in retrospect. We’re back to being great friends after a hiatus and the guy is out of the picture,” she adds.

  Finding a solution
Have a heart-to-heart chat with your friend, suggests psychologist and psychotherapist Dr. Seema Hingoranny. 

She adds, “Keeping the competition aside, you need to figure out who the guy is taking interest in — you or your friend. Ultimately, you have to make the tough call of deciding who you want — your best friend or the guy.”

This could lead to the friendship going for a toss. “The competition that builds in is so not healthy,” says Hingoranny. “But do not ever cheat behind your friend’s back, as this will just leave you with a guilty conscience. 

What men feel
It’s equally tricky a situation when two guys have fallen for the same girl. It could get ugly too...
Dealing with it Sandeep Banerjee, 28, an engineer, and his best friend liked the same girl in their office. “Initially we just used to joke about competing with each other to get the girl. But I got a shock when I discovered that he was very serious about her. I also felt he wanted to cut me off from her and thought it was quite selfish of him,” adds Sandeep.

Suddenly the duo could feel this unpleasant wall
between them. They slowly stopped talking too. Since the girl was on good terms with both of them, things eventually got out of hand and Sandeep ended up hitting his pal. It was, of course, the end of their friendship.

In another case, Rajan Ahuja, a copywriter, became very jealous of his friend Nitin when the latter got too friendly with the girl he liked. Though their argument did not turn physical, it spelt trouble for them.

 Finding a solution
Psychologist Deepti Makhija believes that two or more guys who fall for the same girl often do so only for the sake of competition and their egos. “They have the urge to prove themselves superior and it’s the competition that keeps their love going. When the competition is over, love may take a backseat,” she surmises.

Makhija suggests, “It’s important to know if you
really have a connection with the girl you like. If yes, then it’s up to the girl to decide who she likes. If she goes for your friend, deal with it like a mature person and let her go. It’s juvenile to forgo a good friendship for misunderstandings and ego clashes.”