DNA got together Malini Agarwala (Accessory Designer), Veena Patil, (CMD Kesari Travels), Madhuri Ruia (Fitness Expert), Archana Aggarwal (Country Media Manager, P&G) and Richa Singh (Brand Custodian, L’oreal) for DNA Conversations and got their perspective on life for the Indian woman in the 21st century, men’s changing attitudes and all those knots that we are constantly untying in the relationship tangle.The Indian woman’s balancing act between family and career —is it intimidating or exciting?Malini Agarwala: I think attitudes have changed, women think of themselves first as human beings, rather than as women deserving special privileges just because they have ventured into the workplace.. Women work equally hard, they do long hours and in effect, they put in extra effort to balance home and work. They do not give excuses. All they need to do is just be there and set their own goals and standards. And that is changing attitudes in the workplace in general, to be more positive.What about the norms set by men?Richa Singh: There is a bit of hesitation at times in dealing with women at work. For example, sometimes men will treat a woman differently when they see she is hugely pregnant… they speak slowly, as if she will crack up, or perhaps they imagine pregnancy makes her senile. Others imagine that her pregnancy will affect her work. When I was pregnant, it took a while for people to realise that I am the same. You have to start all over again. But if you are consistent as a performer, it is accepted and expected that you do well.So the foot is never off the accelerator? Richa Singh: Almost, but we are getting to a point of equality.Do women perceive this change differently?Richa Singh: No one wants discrimination. I am ME and I would like to be treated with respect.How do you deal with companies headed by men, amidst corporate travels, carving your own niche?Veena Patil: It was different for me. Being a woman helped. When we announced foreign tours exclusively for women, I met so many women who were totally into family. They had never enjoyed on their own and now they wanted to do something for themselves.

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Taking them somewhere within the country would mean they wouldn’t shed their inhibitions and go swimming or chill at the beach — that feeling of being still close to home, yet away from their responsibilities, would always remain. I’ve seen so many women cry because they are guilty of enjoying without their family. I counsel such women. At the same time, there would be some who would simply freak out — shopping, dancing, enjoying. They would be like — “Huh…why did we not do this before?

Archana Aggarwal: Women are apprehensive of enjoying themselves without their families, but they do make great travel partners. Recently I went on a trip to Egypt with 16 other women. We went as strangers but came back as close buddies.Is marketing today also about busting myths?Archana Aggarwal: While selling a product, one has had to change the pitch. The outlook towards advertising has shifted. For example, years ago, Whisper ads had a woman come on screen to explain the importance of sanitary napkins; today we actually show a sanitary napkin on screen. People understand —comprehension has increased. Like the Ariel advertisement where a man is shown washing woman’s clothes. People are now open to these ideas. It is a remarkable shift.

Richa Singh: There has been a shift from emotional thinking to rational thinking and women play lead roles in decision making. It makes them feel good when their choice or opinion results in a purchase.

Madhuri Ruia: I agree that rational thinking has come to stay even in real life. Even when the aircraft security is announced, in case of emergency, you are advised to wear the mask first and then help your children. It clearly means that if you are in a good state of health only then would you be able to take good care of others.

Archana Aggarwal: Yes, today women understand, that it is ok to have your breakfast before serving the kids. Nowadays, kids want moms to be trendy, not only wear a sari. They want them to look fit and good.

Madhuri Ruia: Fitness is an important aspect of life today.We have come a long way from the times of a sari clad Waheeda Rehman to the hip Kareena who doesn’t hesitate to flaunt herself. I’d say fitness has a huge role to play. Fitness is all about your identity — mind, body and brain and it means different to different people.Has there been an increase in the number of women who want to express their views publicly? Have your public speaking courses found more women joining? Madhuri Ruia: A lot of women do want to speak up. They want to learn how to express themselves, and often in English. There are so many homemakers who may not necessarily speak English but they still speak their mind. It is an inviting change that women can also be heard, and this has filtered down to all classes.There is a huge spurt of woman entrepreneurship lately, how do you see these new entrepreneurial women interacting ?Malini Agarwala: People do respect other peoples’ work. The insecurity is going away. When it comes to business, while I ensure I am on the roll all the time, I have no qualms about appreciating young talent. There is room for everybody.But has men’s perspective changed?Veena Patil: When we started taking women out, we noticed that the husbands were, eventually, happier too. Because when women go abroad and adapt the good things they see and bring a new attitude, a phalanx of new ideas back home, everyone notices the positive change. That they are rejuvenated and their entire outlook toward life is changed.

In fact, I have noticed that thanks to my group all women tours, and the positive aftereffects, many husbands these days are gifting their wife these tour packages.

Archana Aggarwal: When I joined P&G, I got engaged too. It was an arranged set up and my in-laws were conservative. They never understood why I needed to travel abroad without my husband. It was strange because they were ok with my western dressing and drinking in front of them but travelling was something they were not comfortable with. At both ends, things were too new for me. I discussed this with my boss and thankfully, I was given the leeway to not travel for a year, except once or twice, by choice. I was happy with the support they had extended. They understood and respected my situation. In about a years’ time, I could convince my in-laws. Flexibility is required to be given to woman and I am glad some companies do understand that.

Malini Agarwala: After all, a woman is the mother of the man. And men need to respect that. And finally, whatever it is, she does end up being the point of first responsibility for the home front.While women get futuristic, isn’t home the real frontier?Archana Aggarwal: You don’t have to be subservient all the time.

Richa Singh: One needs to make some compromises. Post my pregnancy, I decided not to travel for some time. On their part, both my mother and my mother-in-law took turns to help me with my baby. My sacrifice: I didn’t travel leaving my kid alone with them and their sacrifice: they left their husbands and home to come help me. It works both ways.

Even today, my husband and I make constant adjustments to ensure the baby is always cared for by one parent. I always check my husband’s calendar and ensure I am not travelling on the dates that he is.

Madhuri Ruia: Thank God, it has become easier to communicate. It is the expansion of the mind.

Archana Aggarwal: Things are changing for sure. More and more men are volunteering to change.

Richa Singh: Now you can go up to your boss and be honest about your situation.

Malini Agarwala: There is more transparency now.Veena Patil: I got married into a conservative family and was expected to wear a sari, mangalsutra and teeka all the time. I didn’t argue but after two years of sitting at home and doing nothing, I got bored. Then I asked my husband if I could work and he agreed instantly. I was wondering how did he agree so effortlessly and he said “I always knew this day would come, so I am not surprised. You are not someone who would sit and do nothing.”

Initially my in-laws were very apprehensive but then, I took them out to see what I do. They understood. In fact, when my father-in-law went abroad next, he brought saris for everyone and a long skirt for me. I smiled. And the communication I made by adding them into my way of life helped ease the understanding.Women often fall under the superwoman syndrome trap. How do we walk the thin line?Madhuri Ruia: While women are supreme multi-taskers and like to be independent, at times, it is also important to be dependant. And let others manage some aspects of your life.

Malini Agarwala: Prioritising is a must. You have to understand that you cannot do everything well. You have to compromise at some places.

Richa Singh: Look at what you want. Draw your lines. If you are late someday and you can’t cook…look at the other option — order in. there is no need to fuss or stress about it.

Malini Agarwala: One shouldn’t keep passing judgments.Madhuri Ruia: I have recently become a single mother. Earlier I liked things to be prim and proper. Sometimes, priorities change and you can’t always expect things to turn out your way. Both my daughters understand and respect that.

Veena Patil: It is important that your children know what and why you are doing it. Young minds are exposed to different passing comments and it’s important they understand you. Once when someone told my son that your mother runs after money, he immediately snapped back and said “I know what she is doing and I am proud of it.”

Richa Singh: Even a baby can gauge when his mom is happy or sad. You cannot look for a pat on the back from everybody so just do your own thing.