Me: Give me a pack of condoms

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Shop attendant: (very shyly, looking around) Here sir (trying to hide it behind my other stuff)

Me : Not this one, get me the other box. And do you have the flavoured ones? Oh there it is, Get me the green apple ones please 

Shopkeeper : (literally turning red) Here sir (again hiding it) 

Me : (irritated) What’s wrong with you? It’s just condoms. Yes, I have sex. I’m sure you do too. We all do, there is absolutely nothing wrong or bad about it. It’s as normal as eating and sleeping. It’s not like I’m underage or something. I’m being safe and that’s a good thing. CONDOMS are good. Stop being all shy, weird and making people uncomfortable just because they are buying condoms. You live in the 21st century and in a metro city like Mumbai, and you seem smart and educated enough to know there is nothing wrong in having sex and if by chance you think it’s a bad thing then you are just being ignorant and stupid... So stop behaving like a jittery idiot and hand me my condoms and get me the Green Apple ones. The big box.

After I finish my very Samantha Jones (Sex and the City) type monologue, I turn to see four old nuns standing behind me, staring disapprovingly and giving me the dirtiest look possible, shaking their heads and actually rolling their eyes. And then it hits me. That is what the poor shop attendant was  embarrassed about.

Convent school sex guilt kicks in and in panic I said  “It’s just that my partner really likes fruits you know. It’s summer you see. That’s why Green Apples...” As soon as the words left my mouth, I turned and ran out of the store  as fast as I could.

True story... Just happened on Friday.