Rick Roy: Hell is an elevator with an ex in it

So it’s official! If there’s hell on earth, it’s being stuck in an elevator ride 29 floors with someone, who you hooked up with and didn’t keep in touch (yes, that happens, don’t give me that judgmental ‘you slutola central’ look!).

Anyway so there’s this someone I hooked up with once and then sort of didn’t keep in touch. In my defense, it was getting all ‘clingycated’ (clingy and complicated) so I sort of vanished off (stop that judgmental eye roll again).

Anyway so imagine getting stuck in a 29 floors long elevator ride. You enter the lift and the next person that walks in is your ex and the only other person in the lift is the lift man (thank God for small mercies). You smile and you can see there are a 100 angry loaded questions pointed right at you ready to be fired and all you get is the lift man to shield yourself. So you just stand still with your back to the person and pretend to be invisible or hope it was a Tyrannosaurus or something and it will only attack if you move. The standing still doesn’t work thanks to the stupid mirrored doors, you can see everything and especially that angry face, which resembles a hungry hyena that has not eaten for a week ready to bite your head off. And it feels like the lift is going in 1,000 frames a second slow motion. So you pray to God that someone else walks in, so there’s some extra cover and you say, ‘please God make someone walk in by next floor please’ and just right then the door opens and someone walks in and guess what it’s your ex (clearly, God was in mood for entertainment at my cost). The next 10 floors feel like I am inside a nuclear bomb that can blast off any moment. Don’t know what is worse between the “oh you ass you broke up with me” or “oh you ass you didn’t keep in touch” LOL (the silver lining is it seemed they don’t know each other).

Phew! Somehow I manage to reach the 29th floor and I try my best to give a smile (not a good idea, what I get back is something kind of coordinated and not-so-subtle interesting hand gesture from both) LOL. So you see as I said  if there’s hell on earth it’s in a loaded lift ride with your ex and an ex hook up in it. Karma is a bitch. The lesson learnt — you have to be careful in life, no silly, I’m not talking about being careful about hooking up, I mean be careful and take the stairs, it’s safer.